My Third-World Girlfriend - RJ Silver 
I'm always happy when I read a second book by an author that I enjoy as much as the first. This is not a naughty fairytale remake, but it is as funny as The Princess and the Penis. I was laughing out loud while I was reading, plus the ending was a total shock. 

Payback is a filthy bitch! 

When I read the cover of the book I was thinking there would be a paranormal kick to the story line, but the title is quite literal. The relationship-challenged protagonist quits his job to move to Thailand to bang and exploit hot young women after overhearing a random conversation at Heathrow airport. A group of three jaded bachelors take him under their wing and the foursome hits the Thai streets to "sow their wild oats" around the local bars. We learn about past relationships: wine bottles, tire irons and yams to the head. New love blossoms amidst concrete sidewalks and vomit. A tempest of feminine rage creates havoc on the streets and seas, changing the lives of everyone involved. Sounds heavy and the underlying message is, but trust me when I say the banter is witty as hell. Fazis? Festapo? You want to know who they are, trust me. 

Here are some of my favourite lines, (the ones that don't give away too much):

"…next thing i knew, my lips pressed down on hers, sending an electrical charge through me far more intense than any of the times I've been tasered."

"I ain't seen nothin' like that since the ex-wife caught me polishin' the maid."

"We made love for many minutes at a time, once reaching the mythical half-hour mark." 


This quote totally reminded me of The Lonely Island skit about premature ejaculation:

You can find a list of RJ Silvers books HERE. Check it out and purchase a story or three! 

Xx C 

Finally a fairy tale for grown ups. Want a good bedtime story that will make you laugh with wet panties? This is the book for you. With 39 pages The Princess and the Penis is the perfect length (ahem) for you to read in bed before you tuck yourself in. It has a familiar story line: a beautiful, kind and vurtuous princess, an overprotective father and a gigantic phantom penis… wait, what? Yep, you heard me. This is more than your knight-in-shining-armour fairy tale. With chapter titles like A Lump in the Rump, The Phantom Phallus and The Wacky Wizard, this book is hilarious and saucy from start to finish. I actually laughed out loud as I read. A very witty take on an old fashioned story that would make your grandma blush. 

If you needed more convincing (silly you) here are some clever, saucy lines from the story- think double entendre: 
"They can be quite slippery when they want" 
"… I have a feeling matters will soon come to a head" 
"It's no longer just a lump… the more I felt it, the more it grew, until it assumed a most peculiar shape." 

Oh there are so many more, but I really want you to just buy and read it so I won't give anything away. 

XxC 

My next book is another RJ Silver book: My Third-World Girlfriend.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

If you have been to the Our Favorites section above, you already know how I feel about this book. This book is one of the most interesting and hilarious books that I've ever read (the whole series actually). I've had a hard time writing this review as I just don't even know where to start! So, I've decided to skip the "I think this, I think that" bullshit and get right to the parts that made me pee myself when I read them. Below are some crazy new vocabulary from the book and my favorite laugh out loud quotes.

VOCAB
Sozzed, Diodes, Niggly, Myxomatosis, fjords? Don't ask me what they mean.

QUOTES:
CH 1

"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?"
"How much?" said Arthur.
"None at all" said Mr Prosser...

CH 6
Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes something like this:

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man," The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.


Arthur grabbed hold of it and tried to stop his hands shaking. He pressed the entry for the relevant page. The screen flashed and swirled and resolved into a page of print. Arthur stared at it.
"It doesn't have an entry!" he burst out.
Ford looked over his shoulder.
"Yes it does," he said, "down there, see at the bottom of the screen, just under Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6."
Arthur followed Ford's finger, and saw where it was pointing. For a moment it still didn't register, then his mind nearly blew up.
"What? Harmless? Is that all it's got to say? Harmless! One word!"
Ford shrugged.
"Well, there are a hundred billion stars in the Galaxy, and only a limited amount of space in the book's microprocessors," he said, "and no one knew much about the Earth of course."
"Well for God's sake I hope you managed to rectify that a bit."
"Oh yes, well I managed to transmit a new entry off to the editor. He had to trim it a bit, but it's still an improvement."
"And what does it say now?" asked Arthur.
"Mostly harmless," admitted Ford with a slightly embarrassed cough.
"Mostly harmless!" shouted Arthur.
CH 9

"Haaaauuurrgghhh ..." said Arthur as he felt his body softening and bending in unusual directions.
"Southend seems to be melting away ... the stars are swirling ... a dustbowl ... my legs are drifting off into the sunset ... my left arm's come off too."
A frightening thought struck him: "Hell," he said, "how am I going to operate my digital watch now?"
He wound his eyes desperately around in Ford's direction.

CH 11

Marvin regarded it with cold loathing whilst his logic circuits chattered with disgust and tinkered with the concept of directing physical violence against it. Further circuits cut in saying, Why bother? What's the point? Nothing is worth getting involved in. Further circuits amused themselves by analysing the molecular components of the door, and the humanoids' brain cells. For a quick encore they measured the level of hydrogen emissions in the surrounding cubic parsec of space and then shut down again in boredom. A spasm of despair shook the robot's body as he turned.
'Come on,' he droned, 'I've been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't.'

CH 18
I left out the entire Whale/Petunias part here, as we've all read it a million times and know exactly how witty it is. If you don't remember and need a refresher, click here.
CH 19
"Nuts to your white mice," he said.

CH 25
"Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff"  - Deep Thought.


And with that, I sign off. I managed to pick up the rest of the series at a recent book sale so I am looking forward to rediscovering them again. If you have just to read this book, or the series, I recommend you do. I have met people who do not like the book or find it funny (KAT! tsk tsk ;)  but I suggest you give it a go, it's worth the risk. Toodles.