Dead of Winter- Brian Moreland

I read all 491 pages of this book in 2.5 days. Admittedly, I found the length a bit daunting at first but it didn’t drag on or become boring. It’s a fantastic book that combines many of my favorite things: violent shape-shifting blood sucking gut eating invisible-ish monsters, violence, massive amounts of suspense, a killer back story and native lore. I loved it. Actually, I couldn’t get through the last half of the book fast enough! The “what the fuck is it-s” and the “holy shit what’s happening next-s” kept me so enthralled that I couldn’t put the book down. The whole time I read it I had the most vivid images in my head of the characters and scenes.

This book needs to be made into a movie- I’ve seen the whole thing in my mind already and it is fantassssstic. Now someone start preparing the set and firing up the computers to hammer out all the CG shit, or whatever the movie people do. I’m thinking M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village but with REAL monsters. There are so many scenes that I am DYING to see on the big screen: the rats and crows forming the body of the demon, when Willow’s face shifts into Beth’s just to fuck with Tom, or how people's bodies morphed and grew when they were infected. OMG, or the scene with Father Xavier and Gustave in his cell!  So. Fucking. Cool.

Ok, here is one of the coolest scenes in the book. Read and you’ll totally understand:


“Let the boy go!” Tom yelled.

The she-beast released a maniacal cackle and then bit into her son’s neck, wrenching out his throat. She dropped the child and charged towards the front of the nave, bounding on hands and feet towards Tom and Pendleton.

“Kill her!” yelled the chief factor as he dashed into a confessional closet.

Tim gripped the barrel of his shotgun and swung, cracking the woman’s jaw. She lurched again. He struck her head, hammering down repeatedly, bludgeoning her face. Her nose shattered. Her forehead caved inward, crushing her eye sockets. The white eyes popped. The infected woman clawed blindly at Tom. Her too-wide mouth kept laughing with a maddening, witch’s cackle. He moved behind the now-blind woman, pressed the barrel to the back of her head, and pulled the trigger. Her face blew outward. She fell to her knees as if kneeling for communion, her entire face an open, dripping maw. The laughter finally stopped. Tom kicked her with a boot, and she fell forward against the stage."


…… aaaaweeeeesome, right?! Get this book right now, read it and enjoy. I did.

Xx Cara

Inside the Outside – Martin Lastrapes

Wow, Kat wasn’t being generous when she gave this book 10/10, Mr. Lastrapes earned every one of those 10 stars.
I encourage you to continue reading my review AFTER you download the book. Now.  It’s ONLY .99 CENTS. That’s a quarter of a coffee, that’s one sip of beer, that’s a third of a bus ticket, hell, you’d give more than that to the homeless man that lives at the train station. So just head on over to Amazon now, here’s the link HERE!

So, as I was saying, wow, what a book. Timber, bloody hell, the crazy shit that this girl goes through. Just when you think you have her and the story pegged a curveball comes at you outta nowhere and knocks you on your ass. I read a few parts of this book with my mouth open, hands in the air, looking around going, “What. The. Fuck” to my empty book room. I thought the shock would end after Part 1, not knowing how the story could possibly develop any further, but Part 2 didn’t let me breathe for a second.

Here's what I love - the writing style is so calm that even the most gruesome of events seem to flow right off the page. I don’t know how to explain this actually… it’s not that it’s devoid of emotion, you empathize with Timber and her struggles, but I think it’s that the language reflects Timber’s perception of the events.  Since she was raised in such a fucked up environment her reaction to, say, decapitation, would vary greatly to, say, mine (!). I could be way off base here, but did anyone else find that? Very well written, gripping really, but left me feeling a little creeped out at how easily it was to read some pretty gnarly parts. And really, didn’t Timber make it though some extraordinarily cruel and insane shit to come outta it fairing well but her character still a bit creepy? As bad as I feel for her I’m still not thinking I’ll make the trip into Bookland to say hello to her and shake her hand.*shudder*

Also, Martin comes right out and tells us what’s going to happen next. At first I was not impressed. “Where’s the suspense???” I implored loudly to the empty room. Then I kept reading and realized that giving me clues wasn’t telling me a gawd damn thing, and even with the info I still wasn’t able to predict what was going to happen next. It was torturous trying to read faster, to turn the page quicker to figure it out, only to be wrong. TEASE! But this is what makes the book so great: suspense, confusion, shock, disbelief, more shock.

We all love a story about an underdog, beating all odds, escaping terror and abuse, to finally find peace, love and happiness... this is not that book.  There are glimpses into this Hollywood movie archetype through a layer of dirt, incest, spunk, blood and guts: a beautifully descriptive narrative for the whole family…. ;) If you need further convincing to get this book you're a fucking idiot, but you can also read Kat's review HERE.

And here is a very important lesson I learned from the book that I'm gunna share with you...

 DO NOT EAT THE MYSTERY MEAT.

BBQ anyone?

Rosemary's Baby - Ira Levin

Rosmary's Baby indeed. That kid was the only interesting part of the whole book and we didn't even meet him until the last few pages.   What the fuck.
To be honest, this book bored the shit out of me for at least half of it (Kat don't kill me!). I just had a really hard time identifying with the protagonist and her decisions. Maybe because it was released in the 60's and women were "different back then?" But who lets themselves be controlled like that, especially when it comes to her own health and the health of her unborn child? Ugh.
However, I also did not enjoy the jumps in the timeline of the book. Months would be skipped and no real detail put in about what happened.  "Oh now I'm just 5 months prego and I love me some raw meat?" What the shit is that? Ugh.

Blah blah blah, vaguely raped by my husband in some satanic ritual in front of a bunch of old strangers while I slept, Blah.

A kid with claws, horns, a tail and crazy eyes is very awesome though. Oh, and the ending was trippy. Props for the ending, but not enough to save the book for me. 

Next book please.

Ps. I have never seen the movie though I imagine that if done well it could be a LOT more interesting than the book. If anyone has seen the movie let me know what you thought of it.

pps. HAIL SATAN (ha!).

xx Cara 

This book is a tough one for me to write a review about. It's like the number one selling book for how many weeks (years?) now? People friggin love this book and I'm torn between being completely honest and showing a bit of restraint to appease all your sensitive egos (wink wink). But after some serious consideration -after a beer actually- I have decided to fuck the masses! Wait, that came out wrong.... What I meant is, I'm going to be honest, despite the potential negative backlash (I can handle a light spanking though, if you choose to punish me... ).

So here it goes.... Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen is a good book, not great, not a "read again" book, but worth the read... *Wince* Are you gunna hit me now?
Please let me explain. I really enjoyed learning about the old school circus and the terrible lives of those stuck in that lifestyle: poor, starving, desperate and angry. The main character, Jacob, is a sad case. His story is gut-wrenching (really) so kudos to Sara for the development of his character. I also LOVED all the interaction and vivid description of the animals. There were times when I was reading with clenched fists ready to punch someone in the fucking head in anger over the animal abuse. However, Jacob and Marlena's compassion for the animals balanced out the abuse and calmed my homicidal rage a bit at least. Here is a lovely quote from Jacob about his devotion to the circus animals:

"It's impossible to describe how tenderly I suddenly feel towards them - hyenas, camels, and all. Even the polar bear, who sits on his backside chewing his four-inch claws with his four-inch teeth. A love for these animals wells up in me suddenly, a flash flood, and there it is, solid as an obelisk and viscous as water... There is no question that I am the only thing standing between them and the business practices of August and Uncle Al, and what my father would do- what my father would want me to do- is look after them, and I am filled with that absolute and unwavering conviction."

That made me warm and tingly inside, as I feel the same way towards all animals. And without giving away too many details to those of you that haven't had the opportunity to read it yet, the ending of the book makes you love Jacob even more! I have to admit that the image of Robert Pattinson as Jacob (not Twilight Jacob *wink*) may have raised him from 'like a lot' to 'love' in my mind.... and heart? (please forgive me).     

So, before I start into what I didn't like, I'd just like to say to you all- read this book. I'm serious.When else will you have the chance to escape into world of a 1930's travelling circus?! Travelling on a train even, with a midget! This book provides wonderful details into a world that non of us will ever see.

But, it just wouldn't be right of me to leave out some of the things that ticked me off. The main offender was the emotional connection between Jacob and Marlena- or lack there of. I didn't really get it. I guess the book was missing that internal dialogue from Jacob's perspective that would have provided the reader with some insight into WHY he felt so attracted to her. I mean yes, they both liked animals, and yes, they were both attractive but, really? I would have loved more dialogue between the two of them about their feelings for each other, to get some idea why they had such a strong connection. I wanted to want them to get together, but in the end I didn't really care. I imagine that the movie has spent more time building their relationship and showing how they grew so fond of one another that they would risk their fucking lives for each other! 

Also, and this may be due to my borderline obsession with creatures that go bump in the night, I found myself bored on more than one occasion. Like as I was reading on the train I was actually noticing what was going on around me- that's never a good sign. I don't think it was the writing style, the characters or even the flash-back-and-forth-between-the-past-and-the-present thing that was the problem. I think it was just the plot. Not enough action? Not enough sex, violence, drugs? I haven't quite been able to put my finger on it, but it might be that it was just too PG for this clearly desensitized, blood loving book slut.

Finally, I was delighted with the ending. It was fantastic. I love books that end well, even if it's the same old story where the bad guys lose and the good guys win. But more importantly, how often do the animals in a book or movie find peace and happiness? Not often. So I my raging inner animal activist was thoroughly satisfied when the animals (some, but not all unfortunately) had their happy ending too. *fist pump*

So congrats Sara Gruen. You wrote a good book and now you're a bazillionaire making movies with big stars. I will not be watching the movie despite my minor (major) obsession with Robert Pattinson. Instead of listening to the fucking message of the book, that using animals for human entertainment is BAD (abuse and such), the producers decided to use live animals in filming. So, I have a message for you money grubbing bastards: fuck you. Animals are not for our entertainment. And if I had a bull hook so help me god I would not be using it on animals...

Ok, so that's enough outta me. Get the book. Read it. Don't go see the movie.

Peace.