Joan Frances Turner
Published September 2010
In the near future, zombies, although still terrifying, have become a commonality. However, where our story begins, the Zombie Plague is evolving into an epidemic of far greater consequence, for us and for them. And did I mention, the zombies are emo? Now THAT'S a terrifying plague of the undead!
Like a Libertine college student with a successful career ahead of her and a dopey boyfriend who can't work a condom, every brain cell was screaming "ABORT! ABORT!" before I was halfway through this story, it was so dull and insipid. But, like a Catholic schoolgirl with overbearing parents and a boyfriend who really REALLY loves her, I let my moral complex get the best of me and I carried on until the bitter end.
I haven't NOT finished a book since I was 16 (it was Kushiel's Dart - long book, longer story). Honestly though, this has to be the most disappointing zombie book I've ever read. I mean, our author graduated from BROWN and HARVARD LAW. Are they letting just anyone in, now? Because this book had to be written by the saddest, most lonely emo EVER. She made ZOMBIES EMO. All our undead characters did was stand about mournfully or indignantly (or indignantly mournful) and talk about their feelings and the shitty situations that suck for them. "I'm so angry the new leader killed the old leader." "I miss being alive, and my family; if only I could see them again..." "One of our zombie companions died; lets bury him and have a funeral and cry about it." "Eating people just feels so wrong!" ad nauseam. You know what zombies should be talking about? BRRRAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSS.
The only emotional plot line of any interest was the zombie romance (for the obvious reasons, of course; i.e. zombie fetuses) and it didn't even pan out (and don't get me started on how much that unexpected exit disappointed me).
The book only started to pick up three quarters of the way through with the somewhat original storyline arc, but by then it was too little, too late for an attempted redemption.
This was probably the saddest excuse for a zombie novel I've ever read. You could easily replace any word related to the word "zombie" with "emo" and any reference to flesh eating with drinking black coffee and smoking cloves and menthols. GOD, this book was lame.