Mar 18, 2012
Drained
Paul Maitrejean
Horror
Published 2012
9 pages
7.5/10
When blood-drained corpses begin turning up in Minneapolis, the FBI sends in a very particular man for the job...
I just had this feeling - a stupid scumbag-brain inkling that gave it away. I've read too many books and seen to many M. Night Shyamalan movies to ever a new intellectual fray without at least considering a twist ending.
In this case, my inkling was right, and I missed out on the surprise, because I had already guessed it from the first paragraph.
But Maitrejean has a way with words that immediately draws you in and keeps you riveted, and if he had made the story a bit longer (maybe 20-40 pages to flesh out the protagonist and give us a chance to identify with him) I probably would have forgotten my guess at the ending BEFORE the ending.
It was a rad little story that grabbed me right from the get go - I just wish there was more of it! Hey Paul, make it a full length novel, would ya?!
Mar 17 - Mar 18, 2012
Skin Games
Adam Pepper
General Fiction
Published 2011
190 pages
9/10
When the Mob terrorizes and destroys a family restaurant, the lone survivor decides to take matters into her own hands. But the man she's hired to take care of business has ties of his own to the Mob, and more importantly, the Mob boss' daughter...
You know, this was a great fuckin' book.
By the end I was completely blown away; but I wasn't quite impressed at first. Though the beginning was pretty intense, once we got into the protagonist's story, I thought his voice was sterile and he moved events along too quickly. But while I was mentally bitching about those qualities, the story was also speeding along like a runaway motherbitch and I was totally snared BECAUSE of those qualities. No frou-frou soliloquies, no meandering notions; just the facts, ma'am. Which actually made it remarkably easy to stay engrossed (and therefore kept my mind from wandering) because the protagonist hasn't been reminiscing about how the quality of the midsummer sky reminded him of the relationship he had with his daddy... for 12 goddamn pages. I grudgingly began to appreciate the character's style, though I lamented the lack of action.
Buy, did I ever have it coming for me.
When the action hit, it was fast and furious. But not 2Fast 2Furious.
Thank Christ.
It was then that I realised that I had been party to one hell of a buildup (sneaky, I didn't even know I had been invited until I was there!) and the attitude of the protagonist, which I had deemed somewhat flat at first, made him all the more terrifying for all the trauma he encountered, and continued to encounter.
By the end, Skin Games had delivered one hell of a whallop, and as I turned the last page I found myself crying like a bitch; or like a fat kid over a dropped box of jelly donuts (true story, I had them balanced on my bike handlebars, I hit a bump, and !BAM! there went all the donuts); or a sports fan that had their team lose to Oakland:
Or like a dad that just found out his son still loves him:
Or like a kid who has to turn off the XBOX:
I honestly don't know what it says about our society that there are countless YouTube videos of people crying. Weird. But I digress.
It could have used a little more embellishment - more details, more depth. I like longer sentences and the occasional sprinkling of exclamation points. But the story as is stands amazingly well, and I'm not sure any changes would actually improve it.
See, the whole tone of the book is set by the protagonist, and he's one cold ass motherfucker. Right from the beginning he's calm, cool, and collected. As an initial introduction, he's not terrifically endearing. When I started the book, I wasn't too keen on him, and therefore, felt somewhat detached from the story. But as the story progressed, and he began getting mixed up with scarier shit, I found myself drawn in by how he kept it together in situations where I would have been... well, crying like a bitch; once I finished, I was totally fucking fascinated and more than a little torn up inside. And I don't think our protagonist flinched once throughout the whole story... well, maybe once. Ugh. Seriously, the ending was one of the most gut-wrenching, squirm-inducing pieces I've ever read.
Hell, I think maybe the author could have just be fucking with us - "I'll start off calm, lull the reader into a false sense of security, and then !BAM! donuts everywhere! I mean, !BAM! I punch the reader in the face with more violence and heartache than an entire season of Gossip Girl! Metaphorically, of course." Well played, Mister Pepper. Well played.
Basically, the things that I didn't like about Skin Games at first seemed to, in the end, make the story what it was: a damn fine piece of reading. It wined me, dined me, pulled out the gimp mask and bent me over the table in a corner booth, and promised it would call me later.
Get it. Read it. And try not to cry like a bitch.
Mar 2 - Mar 4, 2012
These Girls
Sarah Pekkanen
General Fiction
Published April 2012
322 pages
7.5/10
In New York City, three women are drawn together by happenstance via a cramped apartment. Cate is trying to find her way through a new high-ranking job position; Renee hopes that if she finally loses that stubborn 20 pounds she'll finally get everything she's ever wanted; Abby is running from a terrible secret - and everything she's ever wanted. Through these trial and tribulations, they begin to discover new relationships with each other - and themselves.
Is it possible to like a book based on how skillfully it was written, but still feel somewhat ambivalent about it? Because that is exactly what happened with this book.
On a technical level, it was great. These Girls immediately drew me in with well-executed attention grabbing opener. It was hard to stop reading because every time I got to the end of a chapter, I'd get ready to call it a night (or at 2AM, a morning I suppose) but my eyes would involuntarily stray to the next page and BAM - I'd be hooked again like a fat kid on cake, or an alkie on shaving cream. I've never personally seen someone drink shaving cream, but my mom told me about how she'd seen a guy steal a can of shaving cream from a store and then proceed to run outside with it, pound it, and then immediately unswallowed a massive puddle of fluorescent green vomit in front of said store. Yes, I grew up in the ghetto. True story. Anyways, as I was saying, the style of writing made These Girls a super quick and easy read that I never seemed to be able to put down. Heck, I read it in two days.
The dialogue was spot on and the author (via her characters) made some really astute observations without going all preachy or indulging in "Look at me, I'm so clever that we're going to beat this point to death just to be sure that you understand how astute I am."which made it a lot more enjoyable.
It was fairly fast paced, with enough drama, cattiness, secrets, romance and intrigue to keep me flipping through the pages. It was exciting enough, and I came thisclose to crying at the end.
The problem it, it's just not my kind of book. I had trouble identifying with the protagonists because I've never been in any of those situations. And to be honest, I just kind of prefer buckets of blood to fistfuls of female relationships.
But I'm more than willing to concede that just because it's not MY cup of tea, it doesn't mean it's not well written. If you like this type of book, These Girls is definitely one to pick up. Trust.
*I also had a chance to do a little Q&A with the author (which is pretty damn badass) and I'd like to share her answers with y'all.
1) Out of all the characters, who would you most want for your roommate? Probably Renee, because she has such a huge heart and would be a lot of fun to go out with at night! Renee is also warm and friendly, and I love that about her – I can be a little bit shy at times and she’s the life of the party.
2) Which character would you avoid at all costs? The only one would be the slimy magazine editor who is overly flirtatious with his young female employees. Yuck!
3) Who do you identify with the most, and is this the same character you'd most like to hang out with, or is it someone else? Probably Cate, who is the features editor for Gloss magazine. I’m pretty driven with regard to work, like Cate. But I can identify with parts of each of my main characters – Abby loves nurturing the little girl she cares for in her nanny job, and I have three boys I dote on. And Renee is insecure at times, but also friendly and accepting, and I’m the same way.
4) What was your inspiration for this story? It’s hard to pinpoint – my ideas take shape gradually; I don’t usually have that lightbulb-going-on-over-my-head moments. For me, a book idea is more like cooking a stew – I toss in lots of ingredients and let it simmer while I do other things, like walk the dog and put away laundry. My subconscious is a great help when it comes to figuring out storylines.
5) Are there certain situations, relationships, or characters from These Girls that mirror your own life? Yes and no. My experiences and observations and relationships usually make it through onto the written page – but they’re filtered through a kaleidoscope first, so they don’t resemble reality by the time they make it into my books.
6) What is your strategy for dealing with reviews that are less than glowing? I’ve been pretty lucky with reviews in general, but there’s one publication that I always joke is about to send someone over to chop off my typing fingers – for whatever reason, they just don’t like my books! But I shrug it off. It would be crazy for me to expect every single person who reads my books to love them. Also , I write reviews for places like The Washington Post and I understand that a review is just one person’s opinion on one day. It’s not the last word on your talent or career prospects. What I hear from readers is so much more important to me than what I hear from reviewers, and I have some amazingly supportive readers!
7) Do you feel more confident in your writing now that you have a few books under your belt? Or was writing your latest book as nerve-wracking as writing the first? These Girls was the first book I’ve ever written on a deadline, so I was definitely nervous. I obsessively plotted the book on index cards before writing a single word, because I was terrified I’d get blocked! But I met my deadline, and it gave me a real confidence, and my fourth book (which I just finished writing this week) came easily. Have I jinxed myself now for book five?
* Thanks so much for having me! And I’d love to connect with any readers on Facebook or Twitter @sarahpekkanen so please come find me if you’d like to chat more!
Feb 26 - Mar 2, 2012
Casting Shadows
J. Kelley Anderson
Urban Fantasy
Published Feb 1, 2012
231 pages
8/10
A social pariah by the name of Edward Kelley finds himself the controller of some extremely powerful magic; but instead of using his new-found powers to destroy the society he despises, Edward is struck with the Herculean task of saving the human race...
Normally I'm not a big fan of fantasy. I find it too froofy with too many incomprehensible names: (and yes, I'm using this clip again because it's AWESOME):
Or there's just too goddamn much walking *cough* LOTR *cough*:
But you know what? There were none of those types of shenanigans to deal with in this book. Casting Shadows was set in modern times (RVs make traveling a hell of a lot faster) with modern names (Edward; Vincent; Emma) and I found it a lot easier to digest because of that.
There were a lot of aspects to like about this read - the characters were natural and the dialogue was spot on. The writing was done well; at times I'd find that I'd perused great chunks of the book in a single sitting. You know, if I wasn't constantly bombarded by outside stimulation (friendly requests to get my goddamn late ass to the Pub; ferret/significant other demanding food; Breaking Bad; etc.) I probably could have burned through this book in a single ambitious evening. It was one of those rare fun reads that engrosses you and keeps you zipping along until suddenly you realize you're on the last page. It wasn't too nasty, nor overly sappy, but there was lots of action and cool as fuck characters.
Unfortunately there were a couple of things that irked me during my read. The first is that there were numerous editing errors; I counted close to a dozen, and I wasn't being as anal (heh heh) as usual (a testament to how good this book was at zipping you along - "Did the author write 'past' instead of 'passed'...? Oh look, monsters!"). But it still bugs the ever-loving shit out of me. There were also some elements that I thought could have used a little more explanation (the demon at the very beginning of the book, for instance) or depth (all the magical stuff, really). The second part of that might not be a huge fault, though, so much as the fact that I was mighty interested in the magic bits. The Cobs, especially. The author should give them their own damn book, I liked them that much. Though Vincent the undead servant was mighty badass in his own right; I think it was his relationship with the other characters in the book that made him so intriguing. Magic shit is epic, yo.
I liked this book, and I have a feeling that my hardcore fantasy-loving friends would LOVE it. I'll definitely be recommending to those buddies.
Jan 25 - Jan 30, 2012
Lothaire
Kresley Cole
Paranormal Romance
Published Jan 2012
468 pages
9/10
Lothaire, Enemy of Old, is a mad Vampire of Royal lineage - he's kicking ass and taking names (in his ancient ledger of Blood Debts) and is hell bent on taking control of the Vampire Kingdoms... by force. Elizabeth Peirce is a foxy backwoods piece who, unfortunately, is possessed by the spirit of the homicidal goddess Saroya and has landed on Death Row. Lothaire intends to wed Saroya in Elizabeth's body, once he gets rid of her pesky soul. But Lothaire begins to feel conflicted in his plans, because Elizabeth makes him all kinds of hot in all his lusty (and well-endowed) Vampire parts, and Soaroya... well, Saroya only has one thing on her mind and it's a lot more decapitations and a lot less lovin'...
I'll level with you - this is the first adult paranormal romance I've ever read. Really, the only one I've ever read, if you don't count Twilight (which I'm sure most people wouldn't). But Simon & Schuster sent me this book at the beginning of the month, and I figured I could use a break from my usual fare (zombies); so what better way to start than with some random book from the post office?
From what I could gather, there was a whole slew of other books from this particular Universe, but I didn't feel like an uneducated asshole for not having read them; instead there were allusions to other characters and plots (as opposed to referencing things mysteriously and adding footnotes like *Buy book 5 for the explanation!*) that seemed... pretty interesting, actually.
This book was super easy to read; every character was individual and well developed with their own back story (another reason why I'll read more from this series) and the Universe itself was badass - there were so many types of supernatural creatures with different legends and it all comes across as really new and exciting.
Lothaire as a character was fun to read about; he's ridiculously handsome, rich beyond measure, violent, mentally imbalanced, and completely sex crazed. My kind of dude. Elizabeth was kind of standard romance fare (I have read a couple of historical romances in my time): spunky, unpredictable, and a babe. She seemed a little stereotypical at first; stay strong, keep it together, don't cry out loud...
Sorry, couldn't resist. Any time I can work a reference from that movie into my life, I will.
Anyways, Elizabeth evolved from from that kind of well-done sticht, and definitely grew on me. She definitely put that badass in... badass a time or two. The other characters were a neat mix of old-timey traditional and uber modern Valley/Hipster/Punk. Another neat take on things (the mixing of mediums, as it were) and another reason why I want to read more of these.
As for the sex and violence? Lots of sex, and not a shit load of violence, but it all worked for me. The sex was nice and graphic (and bizarre at times, which is a plus) and there was just enough violence to keep my interest piqued and the action moving along. I say this as a hardcore horror junkie (Just put it in my veins!) but nice, normal readers my find it all pretty intense.
There was a weird spot towards the end where I was expecting everything to work out, while instead it got pretty messy (severed fingers and shriveled hearts, anyone?) where I was a little wigged out (My first time reading a proper Paranormal Romance and it deviated from the formula? What?!) but everything came together pretty dang well, in my opinion. For the most part.
I really liked that, at the end, while the book did wrap itself up in more specific terms (majority of major conflicts resolved, etc.) it ended in such a way that there was an opening left for another book, which I'd love to read.
Kresley Cole did a good job - great characters, well developed Universe, lots of dirty nasty sex, and she's funny, which made this book a lot of fun. And that's what reading is supposed to be (at least some of the time) right?
Honestly, I think I found a new favorite author, but check back with me after I've read a few more...
Dec 29, 2011 - Jan 2, 2012 (We're in the future, man!)
The Good Humor Man
Andrew Fox
Sci-Fi/Dystopian Future
Published 2009
267 pages
9/10
In the near future, everyone is thin and fattening foods are not only shunned, they're actually illegal (at which point I would kill myself). Good Humor Men live to destroy these evil foods, but Louis Schmaltzberg, original Good Humor Man, retired liposuctionist, and son of the man who liposuctioned Elvis himself, begins to doubt his current career. When a macabre piece of his family legacy draws the attention of a myriad of powers, Louis goes on the run and attempts to save the world.
Fuckin' weird. Not senselessly weird, like Carlton Mellick III (not that he's not incredible in his own right) or British humor (I just don't get that shit) but weird like... I don't know what, exactly. The closest approximation I can come to is... Sideways Stories From Wayside School. It's very well done weirdness, I can tell you that much. Every bizarre element wound up having an integral part in the story, somehow. Which is actually mighty impressive when you consider that some key plot points are: Elvis Presley's belly fat in a jar; a mysterious government funded wasting disease; a 500lb food Nazi and his clones; and a church dedicated to the cannula. Imagine, if you will for a moment, being heavily intoxicated and lying in a bed with 3 other people while trying to explain this book. There was a lot of yelling, and nothing was in order. I was yelling, by the way, because by yelling, I was making my points more clear.
For all the weirdness, it was a simple book. A quandary was presented, the protagonist made the choice (well, the author made it for him, but bear with me here) to take it upon himself to rectify it. Basically:
No midway moral quandaries, no deceptions or feints, no multi-layered multi-leveled plot lines, just an old fashioned straightforward dystopian future adventure. Which is kind of what does it for me. It felt like it dragged ass a little bit on occasion, but adventure always popped up when it was needed most, so in retrospect, it was more awesome than not. It was one of those incredibly quick and fun, like making sweet sweet love to the Ultimate Indulgence. Simple (yet complicated) and fun (yet disturbing). I liked it.
Nov 29 - Dec 9, 2011
Forest of Shadows
Hunter Shea
Horror
Published Oct 2011
351 pages
8.5/10
In Shida, Alaska, there is a house filled with unexplained phenomena - sentient shadows, madness, and the disappearance of an entire family. John Backman investigates the mysterious, and he travels to Alaska with his family to stay in the very house to try to unravel the mystery... but it's far more dangerous than ANYONE could have imagined...
I don't read a lot of ghost stories. Call me crazy (and I'll eat your other eyeball!) but I don't find ghosts that scary. They're usually pretty quiet, you can't touch them (and they don't usually touch you) and they're sheer. Like pantyhose. Sure, they can appear and disappear without warning, which can be shocking, but if that scares you, you should also avoid magicians:
(and not just because they're creepy douchebags) as well as ex-boyfriends (also creepy doughebags).
But this story? Pretty creepy, actually. I think it helped that not only were there ghosts, but also a haunted house, possession, and a super mysterious back story.
Honestly, I think that was the best part, because when I was reading, I kept getting these teasing little glimpses of mysterious past unexplained violence and present mysterious meetings of the perpetrators discussing an uber mysterious deep dark town secret. So I was racing through the book to figure out what the fuck was going on and WHY it was going on (although I figured it out a tad bit early). Well, I was racing through the second half, anyways.
Unfortunately, the first half of the book took me freakin' FOREVER to get through. There was very little action or spookyness and a lot of... well... boring, tedious, everyday occurrences. BUT. The beginning of the book was one of the best openers I've read in a long LONG ass time. Not just one, but TWO whammies, the second one totally unexpected, to draw me in and get me going. Reading the first two chapters of this book got me really excited (the regular PG kind, not the 'adult romance' kind... though there's even a tad bit of that in here, too) and gave me hope when I was slogging though the not-so-scary stuff. So the book kind of went AWESOME - REALLY AWESOME - BOOOORING - AWESOME! I can live with that.
It was a good book; better than average in writing (although the couple of heavily cliched "Nooooo!" 's were definitely giggle worthy) and it was original. Very few books center on Native American characters or backdrops, and as an entire 1/4 Micmac, I find it just a bit delicious that the Native Americans carry the upper hand throughout the majority of this story. Woo hoo! The minority is the majority here, bizznatches!
Nov 25 - Nov 28, 2011
The Lost Diaries of John Smith
Phillip Rhodes
Sci-Fi
Published 2011
98 pages
4/10
In 2014, a gargantuan fireball causes the demise of countless people and destroys 99-point-some-odd percent of electronics. The cause of this? Aliens (though they did it accidentally). These aliens then very nicely force survivors (including the titular character, John Smith) to mine for a mysterious reason under dangerous conditions. All this is told many years later via several secret diaries kept by John, and the young girl he saved back in 2014 who is trying to find him.
Oy vey. There's a possibility I could have liked this.
 Really, the premise was decent - aliens who DON'T want to blow up/enslave/kill/cook human - how very novel!
However, I couldn't get past several issues, both technical and... non-technical.
First off, and most importantly: THE EDITING ERRORS! Christ Almighty! The MULTITUDE of editing errors! Honestly, they got to be so prevalent that I started keeping a list (and it is by no means complete, I'm sure; I only started keeping it on page 8, and I left out anything that I wasn't 100% certain of):
Pages 8, 12, 17, 20, 27, 29, 42 (I started a little paper list here, instead of on my Kobo, because it was ridiculously distracting to close out of the book and open the sketchbook, but I managed to lose it, so I started another list on my Kobo) 54, 65, 67, 84, 88, 90, 92, 94, 95, 97...
These pages all had some mistake or another. Sometimes simple things like "...and that mean working for..."(p. 8) or "...he was right off course..."(p. 94) or "...the worse is not over..."(p. 12). At first I thought I was dealing with past/present errors (mean, means, or meant?) which is irritating enough, but then, I started finding stuff like THIS:
"Today a small plague dedicated to the men is located as close as possible to the mine entrance."(p. 92) A plague? I'd love a plague dedicated to me! Is the bubonic one taken? Or how about locusts? I know! I'd like the plague that keeps sending me e-mails promising to add four inches to my penis! I'm sure my husband would be delighted!
Or how about THIS:
"...but if someone young and inquisitive comes along demanding to know the truth, then sometimes we oblige with a few documents hand-delivered, albeit anomalously, because you deserved to know the truth."(p. 97)
Firstly, can you see how the past/present thing is a little off-putting? And I'm pretty sure having the words "anomalously" and "truth" in the same sentence is counter-productive. I mean, he could have intended to use that word, but I'm fairly certain he meant to use 'anonymously' since they were talking about discretion and something that had to be covered up or else the government would find them.
Seriously, you need to proof-read your shiz because you send it out into the internetz.
 _I can understand if you're just starting out and you don't have some fancy broad at Penguin in a sexy business suit and messy bun with a pencil in it seductively sipping her skinny-latte and checking out your manuscript for continuity errors while she counts the minutes until the janitor gets back from his lunch break so he can DATY (if you don't know what that means, look it up; all the cool kids who go to escorts are down with the lingo). Not everyone has that under their belt. Fine.
But you can't get a friend, an acquaintance, an escort, a liberal arts student looking to make a quick buck, or YOUR OWN DAMN SELF to read it? "Yep, banged this out, used spell check, and out out into the interwebz you go, labour of love that I spent countless hours on." I mean, at that point, you're just being lazy. And what does it say to us that you're not even willing to read your own book?!
Seriously, editing errors piss me off like a motherbitch.
On top of the serious MEGA issues I had with the editing, there were some other issues that I had to make note of that just kind of irritated me (possibly because I was already irritated by the editing errors, but I was irritated none the less).
I had a fuck of a time finding out the gender of certain characters. I thought the present protagonist was a dude for a long ass time. And we're not even told the gender of a later character, but they write in a letter "[I wish] we could have been more than just good friends." about John Smith. Now, I have to assume this was another dude, because homosexuals make everything more awesome. And sparkly.
I found things disjointed as fuck in the beginning, but the editing issues, making some words suspect as to whether the author meant the past or the present, may have caused some of the issue.
Pages 61 to 64 were basically a recap of the previous chapter; recaps are fine and oftentimes necessary, say, for example, when starting the second or fifth book in a series. But not in the middle of a 98-page book you are currently reading.
And just because I'm nit-picky, I have to mention on page 26 - "... and for the first time in my life I felt terribly alone. Not sure if the others left me alone... [that is the author's ... not mine] Writing this months later and I can't remember what I felt at that moment, nor what happened." Although she described what happened right after that sentence (she picked some flowers, and then they left). And she says she felt alone, but then she don't remember how she felt? Maybe the character also had an issue with reading what she wrote, because she had literally just written how she felt right before she said she didn't know how she felt.
The basic premise was decent. But the constant editing errors just gave me a righteous cunty agitation, and it was easy for me to then find faults where, if I wasn't constantly faced with the word "too" instead of "to", I may have let them go.
Get yourself a proof-reader, Phillip Rhodes, and THEN send out your books. Trust me dude, you'll thank me for the advice later.
Nov 24, 2011
Devil's Creek
Paul Maitrejean
Horror
Published 2011
19 pages
9/10
Stranded in Devil's Creek by a raging storm, Erika discovers that there's far more to old legends than she could have possibly imagined...
You know why I liked this so much? Because every time I thought I had this book figured out, I was wrong. And not because the story was intentionally misleading, but because books generally follow a certain formula, which is as follows:
You think the story is about THIS?!
Well it's really about THAT!
Therefore, I kept looking for the next twist or deception, but because it really was what it was laid out to be, I kept finding myself more shocked by this story than I am by most stories with "twist" endings (hint: it's not a twist if a drunk third-grader can figure it out after a night of hard partying). By the time I had settled into taking it all (heh heh) at face value, it kicked me in the lady parts with an epically clever and unexpected twist that brought it all together, and took Devil's Creek from a neat little story up to a fuckin' clever story. To be fair, the ending was pretty damn subtle, and it took me a few minutes and some backtracking to put it all together and work it out (this really was a case of "The Purloined Letter" so to speak) but when I did, I went from feeling mildly disgruntled by my own stupidity, to feeling very clever indeed.
As for the writing itself, it was somewhere between good and very good; it could have been slightly more detailed, but I did just finish reading Stephen King, so I could be considered slightly biased.
Nov 13, 2011 Two-Fisted TweetsJames HutchingsAnthologyPublished 20117 pages8/10 The tiniest collection of the tiniest stories ever - each is no longer than a tweet (or 140 characters, for those of you sans Twitter). This anthology makes me wish I had a better memory. I could totally amuse friends, customers, and strangers at the deli with these witticisms. And seriously, I'm finding this dude's Twitter account and following the hell out of him; then I'll re-tweet his tweets, and hopefully unobservant people will think I'M being witty. Kind of like the deli scanario, but with less head cheese and gout. The biggest upside to the book?
I actually lol'd. This dude is seriously funny. Find the Big Foot one. You'll lol, too. And then you'll pack your bags and go Sasquatch hunting.
Biggest downside?
At 7 pages it's WAAAAY too short - both because I really want more, and 7 pages can hardly be considered a book. It would really be more of a pamphlet.
 I mean, WatchTower is longer. But then again, no one actually enjoys WatchTower, so I think they make up for what they lack in genuine interest with excessively pandering content. "Why won't YOUR parents let YOU have fun?" Because you're a goddamn Jehovah's witness, and you don't get holidays, haircuts, or skirts above the ankle.
But seriously, go download this book, and amuse your friends and family with witticisms. It's easier than trying to amuse them with witticisms from WatchTower...
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