May 14 - May 18, 2011

Water for Elephants
Sara Gruen
General Fiction
Published 2006
335 pages

9/10

  A grizzled old geezer recounts his surprisingly entertaining adventures as a young veterinarian traveling with the circus.  Not quite the same as when grandma gets liquored and gossips about that bitch who queers the numbers during Bingo at the retirement castle.

  Hey there!  Welcome to the first edition of:

  Obviously, I know this isn't an Oprah book, but when a book gets a shit-ton of hype from those types... you know, the ones that watch Oprah and Dr. Phil and hang out at Starbucks to sip their uber fancy coffees while they discuss PTA nonsense and have book clubs as an excuse to get drunk (I certainly don't need an excuse) and discuss their husband's failings - in my books, it's an Oprah book.  It doesn't necessarily mean the book is bad, it just means that I think the people who like these books are typically douche bags.  Usually.  If you're not a douche bag, and you love these types of books, I commend you.  You truly are a rare breed.  See if you can get the other book club members to smoke a joint, or maybe go to a Pink Floyd show or something, OK?
  But honestly, it's no small wonder why this book is so popular - it MOVES.  No lie, I'd be all snuggled into bed in the middle of the night, and realize I had somehow burned through a hundred pages or so in less than an hour (and large typeface can only contribute so much to that).  Reading this book required barely any effort on my part, other than turning the pages (if I'm in the zone I can totally blow them over) and zigging and zagging my eyeballs to and fro.  It was easy easy easy to read.  And you know why?  Water For Elephants has a rare magic combination of  two bestseller factors - it was entertaining fluff that happened to be written really well.
  First off, it's about the circus!  Elephants, dwarfs, psychotic animal trainers, moonshine, and coochie tents!  Sex, booze, and violence!  It would be damn hard to make all that dull, but on top of all that, those elements are orbited around... a forbidden love!  Dun Dun Duuuuuunh.  The romantic in me was just totally done for (and the sicko in me would read that and wonder - How forbidden?  Flowers in the Attic forbidden?  Or Linda Lovelace forbidden?  Because I'm sick like that).  Then, it's all backed up with some pretty great writing chops that move the story along swiftly and easily, with believable dialogue and plenty of action, and a cast of characters that seem realistic and multi-dimensional.
  Present day Jacob was difficult to like because, lets face it, he's a grumpy old coot; young Jacob totally makes up for his future self by being sweet, brave, and utterly human.  He runs away from school, and falls in love with a married woman.  But he also connects with the animals and his fellow human performers on a really sincere level.  He's a normal person, and therefore easy to identify with and care about.  Marlena though, is a total badass, and I think she's a standout player.  I can't go into more detail without giving away some major plot points, but that woman does things that most women, past or present, would never have the courage to do.  Kudos, fictional character that is the production of someone's imagination... kudos.  I love that the villains are extra villainous; I certainly felt some hate at times.  But there were comeuppances all around, and I felt the glorious satisfaction of bad things happening to people I don't like.
  You can tell this book just kind of flew out of Gruen - the amount of stuff she tries to tell you in such a fast paced manner... Awesome.  Sure, there were some convenient formulae put to use, but it's fluff, man!  And I didn't care much for the very end as I found it to be unbelievable, but that's why I gave it a 9 instead of a 10.  But this was definitely the most easy to read and entertaining book I've come across in AGES.  It's one of those stories you just want to pick up and immerse yourself in because it's so fun.  There is no heavy thinking required - you know who the good guys are and who the bad guys are, you know who should win and who should be garroted, and it's the type of feel good story you can just relax into because you're sure everything will be OK in the end.  I totally would have been upset if they all got run over by the Titanic, that's for sure.
  This was escapist fiction of the highest order - action, tears, romance, and a dead fat lady in an elephant car.  Classy, wholesome goodness.

Mar 9 - Mar 12, 2011
 
Room
Emma Donoghue
General Fiction
Published 2010
321 pages

8/10

    Remember the Josef Fritzl case?  Of course you do, it was everywhere.  Apparently Emma Donoghue took note of it too, because this book is something along those lines, except more feel good anecdotes, and less incest.
  
    So, wasn't this Amazon's #1 book for, like, a million years?  I mean, even today at Chapters, this book was errywhur, all covered in gold stickers and on the "Heather's Pick" table and shit.  I mean, this book has been hyped.  But when I finally read it, I found it kind of... underwhelming.  It was certainly no Chuck Palahniuk.  But maybe that's just my preference for the grotesque.
    The subject matter was definitely thrilling, and there was lots of action to keep the ball rolling.  There were plenty of tense and thrilling scenes, and some shocking bits as well.  It has all the making of an easy to read book... so easy to read, in fact, that a grade schooler with above average vocabulary could enjoy it.
    Because really, it all comes down the narrative; something so risky will make or break a novel.  Reading from, at all times, 5-year-old Jack's point of view is definitely unique.  On the one hand it works because the story moves so swiftly, no getting bogged down in analysis, and there's plenty of action.  It also makes for some amusing observations.  But on the other hand, it's so literal and detached, it makes it hard for me to identify with the little bugger.  I have more empathy for his mother; at least she seems human, and believable (although making a socially stunted 5-year-old protagonist and narrator believable can't be the easiest task).  And really, out of all of it, my relationship with Jack is the only detraction.  I guess if I wanted more violence and sodomy, I should have picked up the actual Fritzl true crime book.  I'll be happy enough to accept Room as the somewhat PG book it is; I can't fault it because I didn't find it gross enough, and I should have kind of guessed, considering how popular it is.  There aren't a lot of bestsellers with hardcore incest.  Unfortunately.

Feb 22 - Feb 25, 2011

Mercy
Jodi Picoult
General Fiction
Published 1996
400 pages

8.5/10

    Jamie McDonald euthanizes his terminally ill wife via a pillow over her face; Cam McDonald euthanizes his terminally average marriage via a love affair with a mysterious nomad.  Judgment ensues.
    It's not often my book comes with an official "Reader's Club Guide" to help me evaluate my reading experiance.  Let's go through these Q's and explore our A's, shall we?
    1. To what degree is the title a metaphor for this novel?
    Mercy is not a motherfudgin' metaphor for this book.  It is a legitimate feeling/action that occurs in this book over and over again.  Theme?  Yes, definitely.  Metaphor though?  Not in the least.  Fuck you, Reader's Club Guide, for starting off like a pseudo-pretentious asshole, right out of the gate.
    2. Are Jamie's actions justified? What about Cam's? Allie's?
    Jamie's actions, I feel, were justified.  I've had to put down a beloved pet before, and animals inspire a lot more feeling in me than most people do.  I think I could put down a dying loved one if they were begging for it.  I'd make them sign a goddamn contract, though.  Cam, however, is an asshat, and a pansy to boot.  Philandering is a quality that will put you in my bad book, and hiding it so as to have your cake and have sex with it too?  So despicable.  Not in the least bit justified.  And Allie?  What did she do; try to help someone and find evidence that true love does exist?  She's a woman.  We're programmed to eat that shit up for breakfast.  Justified due to gender.
    3. Who is the author of the "notes"between the chapters? Who are these snippets addressing? Did you believe this throughout the book?
    I have to assume it's some sort of mystical time-traveling robot that has nothing to do with this story, because those segments were confusing as hell.  If I had to guess though, I'd say Cam.  Which makes me dislike him even more, because they seem to be written from a "down the line" perspective, which means he's still griping about the one that got away.
    4. Jamie says, "You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride."Do you agree?
    Truer words have never been spoken, but the best relationships are the ones that have an ever changing balance to keep things fair.
    5.  In what ways does Mia's memory of her parents' love influence her relationship with Cam?
    I think Mia is just outright fucked, and EVERYTHING she does is influenced by her parent's relationship.
    6. Who is the most selfish character? The most selfless?
    The most selfish?  Maggie.  Duh.  She was DYING, and she asked her heart-broken husband to suffocate her to death because she wasn't willing to do the job herself.  Selfless?  Jamie.  He KILLED a broad.  And consequences be damned!  Most (?) of us aren't capable of that.  Well, 9 out of 10 of us, anyways.
    7. In what ways are Cam and Jamie similar?
    They were both brought us with traditional values, but participated in non-traditional acts.  And they're both Scottish gingers.  Ugh.
    8. How is Cameron MacDonald like his namesake ancestor? How is he different? To what extent does the Scottish history of this clan affect his decisions?
    I think all that was just thrown in to fluff the reading experience up and give Cam a false sense of morality and heroism so as to make his downfall all the more shocking.
    9.  What is the significance of the moments in MERCY that are magical or somewhat unreal?
    To be honest, that shit confused the hell out of me, and I promptly disregarded it.
    10. There is a catch-22 in Mia and Cam's relationship… they have each fallen in love with a person who would no longer exist if they were to run off together. Do you agree or disagree with this statement, and why?
    I agree, because nothing is ever as perfect it seems to be, and while the relationship was incredible for them at the time, they knew, once it became real, it would be weighted down will all the trappings of a normal relationship.  Or maybe I disagree, because they were both cowards, and that was just the excuse they used so as not to take full responsibility for their actions.  If it was really true love, they would have been together, no matter who they disappointed, and consequences be damned!
    11. Is there a hero in this book?
    Why, the first Cam McDonald, of course!  He had a sword!
    12. What attracts Allie to Jamie? To Cam? What attracts Mia to Cam, and Cam to Mia? Do you believe that we try to find parts of our personalities that are lacking in the people we love?
    Allie is attracted to Jamie because, to her, he represents what she's been seeking; true unadulterated love.   Allie is attracted to Cam because of his strength and stolidity.  And his gun, I assume.  Weapons make babes hot!  Mia's attraction to Cam is based on her desperation, insecurity, and parental related issues.  And possibly true love.  And Cam's attraction to Mia is based on her mystery, and his yearning for adventure.  And that love thing.  And I think we are attracted to people different than ourselves, because we all want to feel complete.
    13.   At the end of chapter 17, Cam "wondered how he had so quickly gone from holding everything he wanted in the palm of his hand to having absolutely nothing at all. He wondered how he could have been so blinded by something shiny and new and elusive that he couldn't at least give equal credit for the strength of something stable, and strong, and his."  Do you think his feelings are heartfelt? Do you agree?
    I think Cam is just a red-headed redneck that gets WAY too much credit.  His feelings are only heartfelt insomuch that he's probably emo.  And I don't agree.  If you really love a person, you're not going to be blinded by shiny shit.  Close you eyes, for Christ's sake!   There's a reason why our parents told us not to look at the sun!
    14. Why did Picoult choose to make Jamie a pioneer in virtual reality?
    So he can be more perceptive to Maggie's ghost?
    15. How has Jamie changed by the end of the book?
    He begins to take a healthy interest in his own welfare.  When he killed Maggie, he didn't give a fuck.  When the final decision to his fate is being handed down, he definitely gives a fuck.  Also, in the end, he sees dead people, which was never mentioned before.  If it was continually happening, it probably would have been brought up.
    16. What will happen to Cam and Allie? To Mia? To Jamie?
    Do I look like Jodi Picoult to you?  I don't have the foggiest.  If it was my book, Cam and Allie would go through a messy divorce and he would be cowardly-slut-shamed out of town while she engaged in introspection, pottery classes, and a lesbian fling with Cam's mom.  Mia would find herself in a sticky situation or two, slowly growing older and more desperate for love, until she's murdered by an angry wife with a double barrel.  Jamie would grow crazier and crazier, until he kills himself.  And that's why I don't write other people's books.  I would ruin them.  You'd hate to see my "Hop on Pop - Part 2".
    17. Is this novel about love, or loyalty? Are they the same thing?
    Love is what binds you to your soulmate, no matter the cost.  Loyalty is what keeps you at a crappy job you hate until you die of ulcers at 40, or eat a pube sandwich at your favorite restaurant.
    The whole time I read this book, I was agitated as shit.  Cam's infidelity seemed to have no real reason behind it, other than a need to escape his responsibilities under a thin veneer of "love".  Hell, Mia even admitted that it wasn't Cam she wanted, but Allie's life!  And for all their talk of LOVE, they didn't even own up to their actions by BEING TOGETHER!  So NO ONE is happy!  They took all those stupid risks, and hurt Allie for pretty much no good reason.  And was there some magical subtheme I was missing?  And WTF happened to Mia?  I found myself wondering about so many loose ends, and I don't know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing... it means I want more from this book.
   Also, by the last 20 or 30 pages, I was gearing myself up for the big BANG signature of Jodi Picoult's books.  When it didn't come, I was disappointed (where's the twist?) but relieved (no sappy ass predictable cry fest).
   It was a stirring book, no doubt.  It mostly stirred my rage.