Mar 12 - Mar 16, 2012

The Bighead
Edward Lee
Horror
Published 1992
274 pages

8/10

  Deep in the woods of Luntville (did you say...?  Ooooohhhhh, Luntville....  Carry on) there lives a man-beast called the Bighead.  His cranium is the size and shape of a watermelon, one eye is the size of a grapefruit while the other is the size of a grape, and his teeth look like carpet needles.  He rapes and kills nearly every person he... comes across (heh heh) with his gigantic monster penis and usually proceeds to eat parts of them, and he's going to visit some lovely people staying  at a nearby B&B...

  "Bighead didn't know!  He didn't know doodly-squat!  He were a deformed, woods-rompin', brain-eatin', pussy-bustin' retart." 
 
  I heard a lot of lore and urban legends about this book - it was supposed to be the nastiest, most disgusting, most graphic read out there.  Obviously, I HAD to have it, but I could never find the damn thing.  Luckily (unluckily?) for me, I was able to get it via the glory of the internetz and finally able to see what all the fuss was about.
  And my oh my, the fuss was well deserved!

WARNING!  EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD!  COVER YOUR EYES, CONSERVATIVE FACTION OF THE INTERNET!  OR CLICK                                   HERE!

  I mean, rednecks kidnap and rape an elderly woman in her colostomy bag hole (I found out this was called a stoma from a customer at work... Reason #897 I love working at a Weed Store - I could never discuss these things at a straight job).  Nuns throw physics to the wayside and piss up a preacher's ass.  The Bighead rapes and kills a pregnant girl, sucks the baby out of her vagina and eats its brains.  I'm not making this shit up, people.  And I can see why this book caused a stir.
  Not only was it a bloody gore-o-rama, but there was a discernible plot and an honest to goodness mystery to keep my brain limber.  It was a little confusing at times, and occasionally convoluted, but it was still a real plot.  I consider that a grand gesture for this genre. 
  I was entertained, and even more so than usual, because I could describe certain acts throughout my read to disgusted friends, family, and one oddly unruffled head shop customer.
  There were some editing issues, but I've found that to be pretty prevalent in e-books.  I don't know what the fucking deal is with that - something must be getting lost in translation - but the majority of e-books I read are fucked in some way or another. 
  I could go on, but the Bighead is what it is, and it's simply this: a nasty-ass bit of literature (can I even use that word here?) to help a girl procrastinate.  Chores?  What chores?  I'm reading here!  Do you want me to tell you about it?  This guy here, he's got a monster cock, see...

  Oh wait, wrong book...

Feb 21 - Feb 26, 2012

The Devil Next Door
Tim Curran
Horror
Published 2009
333 pages

5.5/10

  During an average normal day, people go about their business just as they always do.  But suddenly, and without warning, bloodlust enrages nearly every man, woman, and child, and civilization falls in a matter of hours.  For the few lone folks who have kept their wits about them, danger is everywhere; but when night falls, things take a turn for the worse...

  Senseless is the best word I can think of to describe this book.  Without rhyme or reason, people go absolutely ballistic; every other page is an orgy of blood, rape, violence, and/or cannibalism.  Generally, that kind of thing appeals to me.  I adore the nasty stuff.  But a couple of aspects made it somewhat difficult for me to really properly enjoy this book.
  First off (and most definitely the biggest offender) I found it VERY repetitive.  Not only did the same basic scenes play themselves out over and over again (person discovers neighbor/loved one/friend has gone crazy; person goes crazy and eviscerates family member/beloved pet/stranger; etc.) but the author also used a lot of the same metaphors, phrasing, and words with jarring regularity.  The word 'altruistic' came up so many times that I could almost anticipate when I would see it again.  And the comparisons of the crazy people to dogs or animals were just kind of smashed into your psyche at every turn.  I get it.  People have regressed. 

  You don't have to keep telling me.  I haven't regressed.  In fact, I have a fully functioning frontal lobe.  Yeesh.
  I wasn't super keen on the writing (editing errors here and there, no commas where I would have put commas, unnecessary italics) but it was still generally understandable. 
  Another serious offender was that it took almost 200 pages before the plot really went anywhere.  Hey, don't get me wrong, I love mayhem as much as the next guy... probably ever more than the next guy, if he's normal.  But seriously man, GET TO THE FUCKIN' POINT.
  Once it picked up though, it went rolling well enough that I read the last third in a third of the time it took me to read the first two thirds (while traveling twice the speed it takes me to get to Nap City on the Comfy Couch Express).  There were also scenery changes and even some character development.  And I'll freely admit it: I liked the gore.  The ending was a pretty good culmination of the book as a whole, and I probably enjoyed the final scene most out of the entire story.
  If you're a skimmer with a twisted mind, you'll really like this book.  Definitely more than I did, but then again, I can't skim.

  Either.

  Feb 11 - Feb 19, 2012

11/22/63
Stephen King
Fantasy/Horror
Published Nov 2011
849 pages

10/10

  Jacob Epping is a regular dude dealing with his regular problems in his regular life; that is, until he is shown the "Rabbit Hole" - a time portal that leads to a sunny afternoon in 1958.  Then he becomes Jacob Epping AKA George Amberson, the man charged with saving JFK from being assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald, and thus, the man charged with changing the course of history.

  I love Stephen King.  I do.  And his evolution as an author hasn't throw me off his bandwagon - not by a long shot.  Hell, I'll ride Stephen King's bandwagon like a drunk college student on a mechanical bull trying to win free beer.

  Except I'd never fall off the bandwagon.  Just sayin'.
  Although Stephen King no longer seems to write 'straight horror' (or even bisexual horror, for that matter) he still had me at, "Hello, is that a presidential assassination plan in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"  The thing is, King is an incredible writer; he holds you absolutely spellbound from page one, all the way though to the bitter (but beautiful) end, when you're crying like a bitch at 2AM on a work night, wiping your tears on the stuffed Rabbit you still sleep with.
  Ahem.
  King is at the top of his game with 11/22/63, and I couldn't help but notice that while it wasn't a horror novel per se, it contained all the cringe-worthy, nail biting, anxiety in your belly feelings that a regular horror novel produces.  You see, while our protagonist isn't exactly dealing with boogeymen (though Pennywise the Dancing Clown makes a behind the scenes cameo) he does have to deal with some all too human monsters and some utterly horrific situations that bring tears to your eyes and make the flesh crawl all up and down your hackles.  Ugh.  But the all encompassing, far reaching, genre bending nature of this book has to be its greatest appeal - it's horror, fantasy, romance, sci-fi, historical, political... and it even has pictures.
  As always, King has peopled his story with some mighty entertaining characters.  Jake AKA George is my definite favorite.  You can empathize with him one minute, and hate him the next; understand his actions but wholeheartedly wish he's reconsider.  He's a man who's one of us.  On the other hand, I found Sadie to be a little too perfect - so loving, so understanding, so heroic; she's almost unbelievable in my understanding of your average, everyday woman.  I also understand, though, that she's NOT an everyday woman... at least not from my day.  Hell, maybe chicks were different back then, and I can excuse some of her naivety and almost blind devotion to a dude who comes across as a little cray-cray.  But really, I actually chalk it up to the fact that we see Sadie through our protagonist's adoring eyes, and because of that, she comes out as a little too good to be true.  Jacob AKA George is the human mess I prefer to get behind.  And I must say, I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the assholes and the sweethearts of the late 50's/early 60's - the ruthless bookies, the sweet Russian immigrants, the dried up old judgmental cows in position of power, and the earnest students trying to be the best that they can be.
  When it comes to the plot, I was hooked from the word go.  Time travel alone is such a neat ass concept, and when you throw in the butterfly effect and actually being capable of seeing the changes the character is enabling... holy fuck.  There's a scene early on where Jake says to his friend (and I'm paraphrasing here because I lost that particular bookmark) "What if you went back and killed your own grandfather?" and the friend replies, "Why the fuck would you want to do that?"  Honestly, that's the best solution to the grandfather paradox I've heard yet.  And that's just one of the reasons I liked the story so much.  I mean, there's so little that I can tell you about the plot without giving anything really important away... that, and my clumsy fingers would do a shit ass job in comparison to actually reading the words of the master writer himself in the actual book.  
  But what it all really comes down to is the writing.  King IS a master of the written word (at least, in my opinion).  I made note of a few of my favorite bits:

  "I felt an absurd urge to ask, Can you sell me a nice summer hat, or should I just go fuck myself?"
  "On the gray street, with the smell of industrial smokes in the airand the afternoon bleeding away to evening, downtown Derry looked only marginally more charming than a dead hooker in a church pew."
  "I pointed out more Denholm educators (many already leaving Sobriety City on the Alcohol Express)."
  "[It would] almost certainly [matter] to the tens of thousands of young Americans who were now in high school and who would, if nothing changed the course of history, be invited to put on uniforms, fly to the other side of the world, spread their nether cheeks, and sit on the big green dildo that was Vietnam."  

  And just in case you think I'm only in it for the swears and sex talk, I also wanted to share this, because it's so poignant, simple, and above all, true:

  "That's the curse of the reading class.  We can be seduced by a good story even at the least opportune moments."

  Amen, brother.  Amen.
  Honestly, if you're looking for a good long read, pick this up.  It doesn't matter what you're preferred genre is, if you studied Canadian history instead of American (King actually gives a shout out to us Canucks) or the fact that you don't have a stuffed rabbit to wipe your tears on when you lose your shit at one of the most devastatingly legit endings I've read all year. 
  You can wipe those tears on just about anything.
 
  And for all you Stephen King/sci-fi nerds out there, here's a LINK to King's interview with WIRED magazine regarding his Rules For Time Travel.  Just read the article AFTER you read the book, because some pretty key plot points are given away here.  That's just like a magazine, ruining books for us so we'll turn to their embrace of bite sized bits of information and advertisements for nice cologne.  

Feb 6 - Feb 9, 2012

Blood Road
Edo Van Belkom
Horror
Published 2004
317 pages

9.5/10

  Hitchhiking across Canada just become even more dangerous, because there's a trucker out there who will do some bad BAD things to you before he kills you... and he's had a lot of time to hone his craft.  So if you're a pretty young thing trying to get away from a bad situation at home like Amanda Peck, consider saving up for a Greyhound ticket before you throw caution to the wind and decide to stand on the side of the road with your thumb out...

  This had all the makings of a pulp horror novel - an evil monster, a helpless victim, an asshole of a boyfriend, a likable gumshoe detective determined to crack the case, all wrapped up in an innocuous paperback with a pun on the cover.  But I hesitate to call this pulp, because it was too damn good, and too damn surprising to entirely fit into that category.  The evil monster (while horrifying) is also nearly pathetic; the helpless victim doesn't wait around to be rescued and takes matters into her own hands; the asshole decides to get his shit together; the gumshoe... well, he's still that, but he's likable because he's written well, not because he's some clumsy Clouseau-esque inspector simply penciled in for a laugh. 

  As for the pun on the cover, well, I fucking love puns.  Shoot me.
  Really, it was an enjoyable read.  When I was certain I had the plot figured out (and wondered how the hell the author was going to drag the book out for another 150 pages) shit went haywire and the story moved along in a totally new (but totally plausible) direction, which is a huge plus in my books because it takes a lot to hold my interest, and I get bored pretty easily.  I'm the proverbial tough critic, and you've got to be on point to keep me from heckling you like an asshole. 

  The best part about this book was that it was SURPRISING.  Good surprising.  Not The Crying Game surprising.  While our lady protagonist was enough of a stereotype to get herself into such a massively shitty situation, she turned out to be badass enough to deal with it, and her evolution as a character warmed the jaded cockles of my heart.  You get stereotypes in pulp - you get evolution in literature.  Really, Amanda Peck is pretty fuckin' awesome, and unquestionable my favorite character, though the crusty mess that is our antagonist comes in at a close second.  He's nasty in appearance and nastier in personality, disgustingly gross but disgustingly powerful.  Much like a traumatized hobo living on the edge of a nuclear power plant in Chernobyl.
  Sure, there were a few persnickety bits that irked me; certain wording in a sentence here and there, calling semen "seed".  That's all personal preference though, and the author couldn't have foreseen that the term "seed" will forever and always immediately catapult me to THIS:    

  More than anything though, this book was FUN.  Likable characters, excitement, action, surprises; all these elements make for an enjoyable read that you can't wait to get back to, and Blood Road had all of it.  There was an excellent balance between Pulp (humor, stereotypes, blood and gore) and Damn-Good-Reading (couldn't put the goddamn thing down).  Even the ending was a perfect fit.  Really, it might have been the best part, and there were a LOT of good parts.
  So go out, find Blood Road, read the fuck out of it, and thank me after.  I am fully willing to accept Nicholas Cage memorabilia in place of gratitude, by the way. 
  No, really.

Jan 25 - Jan 30, 2012

Lothaire
Kresley Cole
Paranormal Romance
Published Jan 2012
468 pages

9/10

  Lothaire, Enemy of Old, is a mad Vampire of Royal lineage - he's kicking ass and taking names (in his ancient ledger of Blood Debts) and is hell bent on taking control of the Vampire Kingdoms... by force.  Elizabeth Peirce is a foxy backwoods piece who, unfortunately, is possessed by the spirit of the homicidal goddess Saroya and has landed on Death Row.  Lothaire intends to wed Saroya in Elizabeth's body, once he gets rid of her pesky soul.  But Lothaire begins to feel conflicted in his plans, because Elizabeth makes him all kinds of hot in all his lusty (and well-endowed) Vampire parts, and Soaroya... well, Saroya only has one thing on her mind and it's a lot more decapitations and a lot less lovin'...

  I'll level with you - this is the first adult paranormal romance I've ever read.  Really, the only one I've ever read, if you don't count Twilight (which I'm sure most people wouldn't).  But Simon & Schuster sent me this book at the beginning of the month, and I figured I could use a break from my usual fare (zombies); so what better way to start than with some random book from the post office?
  From what I could gather, there was a whole slew of other books from this particular Universe, but I didn't feel like an uneducated asshole for not having read them; instead there were allusions to other characters and plots (as opposed to referencing things mysteriously and adding footnotes like *Buy book 5 for the explanation!*) that seemed... pretty interesting, actually. 
  This book was super easy to read; every character was individual and well developed with their own back story (another reason why I'll read more from this series) and the Universe itself was badass - there were so many types of supernatural creatures with different legends and it all comes across as really new and exciting.
  Lothaire as a character was fun to read about; he's ridiculously handsome, rich beyond measure, violent, mentally imbalanced, and completely sex crazed.  My kind of dude.  Elizabeth was kind of standard romance fare (I have read a couple of historical romances in my time): spunky, unpredictable, and a babe.  She seemed a little stereotypical at first; stay strong, keep it together, don't cry out loud...

  Sorry, couldn't resist.  Any time I can work a reference from that movie into my life, I will. 
  Anyways, Elizabeth evolved from from that kind of well-done sticht, and definitely grew on me.  She definitely put that badass in... badass a time or two.  The other characters were a neat mix of old-timey traditional and uber modern Valley/Hipster/Punk.  Another neat take on things (the mixing of mediums, as it were) and another reason why I want to read more of these.
  As for the sex and violence?  Lots of sex, and not a shit load of violence, but it all worked for me.  The sex was nice and graphic (and bizarre at times, which is a plus) and there was just enough violence to keep my interest piqued and the action moving along.  I say this as a hardcore horror junkie (Just put it in my veins!) but nice, normal readers my find it all pretty intense. 
  There was a weird spot towards the end where I was expecting everything to work out, while instead it got pretty messy (severed fingers and shriveled hearts, anyone?) where I was a little wigged out (My first time reading a proper Paranormal Romance and it deviated from the formula?  What?!) but everything came together pretty dang well, in my opinion.  For the most part.
  I really liked that, at the end, while the book did wrap itself up in more specific terms (majority of major conflicts resolved, etc.) it ended in such a way that there was an opening left for another book, which I'd love to read. 
  Kresley Cole did a good job - great characters, well developed Universe, lots of dirty nasty sex, and she's funny, which made this book a lot of fun.  And that's what reading is supposed to be (at least some of the time) right? 
  Honestly, I think I found a new favorite author, but check back with me after I've read a few more...

Jan 19 - Jan 24, 2012

Zone One
Colson Whitehead
Horror
Published 2011
259 pages

8/10

  The Zombie Plague has ripped through the nation, but the survivors are beginning to pick up the pieces; a tentative government has been established, rules are being put into place, and trained teams of volunteers are clearing out the undead, section by section.  As Mark Spitz exterminates the stragglers, the horror of the past and the horror of the present create a pervasive static trauma, but he's well prepared when the shit REALLY hits the fan...

  I don't know how to feel about Zone One; it's a unique take on the zombie novel, terrifically intellectual and quite unlike anything I've read before. 
  This is the first zombie novel I've read that focuses on the AFTERMATH of the living dead apocalypse - the slow treacherous rebuilding of society.  Truthfully, that's why I picked it up in the first place; who doesn't want to prepare themselves for their own eventual survival after the escape, the slaughter, and the small triumphs? 
  The fact that the author also brought up the mental and emotional effects of facing a zombie apocalypse was terrifically thoughtful and insightful.  Sure, other books have touched on the few crazies this or that character may have come across, but I kind of assume that ANY survivor would be a few cheese slices short of their tray of crackers after outrunning, outmaneuvering, and out-killing the living dead... and the living.  If you catch my drift.  Even our protagonist of Zone One was a leetle beet weeird and tough to follow at times, though this is chalked up to the trauma, and expertly so.
  But you know what else was hard to understand?  THE ENTIRE BOOK.
  Besides the fact that we zoned in and out of flashbacks without warning, and besides the fact that the protagonist did a fuck of a lot of thinking in his incredibly disjointed manner, and besides the fact that I needed my dictionary every page or so, it was just too... intellectual.  I mean, instead of splattering rotting brains to smithereens and rescuing enclaved survivors (we did do a little of that, but not much) we spent a lot of time in the head of Mark Spitz, with his incredibly intelligent (but incredibly obtuse) thoughts and feelings.
  This is a thinking man's zombie novel, but how many thinking men put down their Chaucer and pick up a contemporary undead horror book instead?  If I wanted to be entertained by thinking, I'd use my own freaky brain (or read an Oprah book) instead.  I read to escape the doldrums of my reality, not to step into the doldrums of someone else's.  
  So while it was good, and different, it's not what I expected or particularly in a zombie book.  But you can't argue with great writing, either.

Jan 14 - Jan 18, 2012

77 Shadow Street
Dean Koontz
Horror/Sci Fi
Published 2011
382 pages

9/10

  The Pendleton is a stately old mansion that has been converted into luxury apartments for the wealthy elite.  It boasts Oriental rugs, a full swimming pool, and a horrific past dredged in bloodshed and insanity.  But don't be deceived, because 77 Shadow Street is no mere haunted house, and the current residents are about to be thrust into a world overseen by something far more terrifying than ghosts...

  I LIKE this book.
  It's totally bizarre and unpredictable, it dragged ass on occasion, and had too many characters; but I don't give a fuck.  I like it.
  I think the overwhelming reason why I have such affection for 77 Shadow Street is because I stepped into this thinking, "I haven't read a good haunted house story since twenty-ought-six.  This will seem new and exciting, therefore I'm down." and I plunged in like there were no fucks to be given.

  Swiftly I began to realize that this was no haunted house story in the traditional sense (no more than Epic Meal Time is a cooking show) but more of a super fucked up "This kitchen could really use a woman's touch." a la The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror kind of house.

  And then I really got reading and realized I had NO IDEA what I had gotten myself into when I cracked this sucker.
  I'll admit, I had kind of an inkling where things were headed four fifths of the way through, and was right in the broad sense.  But as far as specifics?  I'm STILL not quite sure exactly what happened and I don't think I got the license plate of that truck that hit me.I have to be honest; I was kind of waffling on whether I really liked all that much, or if I just thought it was OK.  Like I said, there was such a profusion of characters that sometimes, when I was going through a particular set of circumstances or experiences a half dozen or a dozen times, I sort of wanted to shoot myself in the face. 

_OK, mildly melodramatic, but I was growing less than amused at some points.  Also, Koontz occasionally repeats himself.  Though I can live with that, as I live in a mini-enclave of stoners, and we are notorious for telling the same story over and over and over again.  Hey, to be fair, it's hard to keep track of who you have and haven't told the amusing anecdote about the time...
  Anyways, couple those wee irritations with a final course of schmaltz, and you get a mighty waffling Kat.  But you know what did it for me?  What tipped me over the edge of "Pretty Good' into straight-up "DAMN!  This is fine Reading!' with an extra helping of awesome?  The fact that A) Koontz gives a contact address so you can write him (He's not too good for us little peoples!) and B) He mentions his dog in the dedication, who he also wrote a book about.  And yes, I know you all assumed Wikipedia was the most accurate place to score all your info:

  But Koontz is the guy, not the dog. 
  Anyways, Trixie (his dog) passed away, but Dean hasn't forgotten her, and is keeping her name alive via dedications, books, and her own spot on his website.  Hell, he's even got a spot on there so you can donate to the organization that Trixie came from, as Trixie was a retired companion animal. 
  Shiz, you guys.  I'm tearing up a little right now.  Don't judge me.
  So to sum it up, Dean Koontz writes scary weird, lets his fans send him locks of their hair, and loves his passed away dog.  And on this day, my Grinch heart grew three sizes, and I found just a little more love for this book.
  Or I just might be ovulating.  But I'd like to think it's love.
  And just so you don't think I got too sappy, I'll leave you with some of my favorite Eic Meal Time videos (I made a version of the cake with girlfriends once... wait, did I already tell you that story?)

  And the first one I ever saw (and my all time favorite):

Jan 10 - Jan 13, 2012

Day By Day Armageddon: Beyond Exile
J. L. Bourne
Horror
Published July 2010
249 pages

6.5/10

  Our hero is back, with more responsibility than ever.

  THE FUCK.  The first book in this series was definitely badass; while it seemed male-centric, the protagonist was fuckin' SMART, and I respected that.  NOW?  This book?  Buddy's transformed from clever survivalist with a military background to total military robot.  Really, he doesn't even seem human anymore.  He's completely detached from everything going on around him; even though he's got a hot survivor woman who wants a piece, she's relegated to being mentioned a few times in a couple of paragraphs.  Like I said, our protagonist is a robot.  No fun.
  On top of that, this book is so liberally encrusted with military terms that, half the time, I had no idea what the fuck I was reading about.  I'm not an idiot; I know the difference between a pistol and a shotgun, but an MP4 and an MP5?  Why?  What can't the author just focus on one?  Why does the protagonist have to have both in this book?   Does it really matter that he has the first, gets the second, and then debates between the two without really giving any pertinent info on either one?  Totally unnecessary.  And then they go into experimental weaponry and technology... I was totally lost and just ended up feeling ambivalent about it after a while.  You want to throw dozens of technical terms at me without even a goddamn diagram to help me?  Fine.  See this?

Now I'm I'm just skimming, dude.
  I felt like there were some really rad plot lines that were going to be developed; we got the first little bit of them, I got all excited about some real action, and then... NADA.  Maybe the author is saving the good stuff for his next book, but I don't think I'll be running out to the bookstore to get it.  You know what this book gets from me?  One of these:

Because it got my hopes up for another badass book, turned the protagonist into a robot, started to get into some seriously interesting plot lines and then left me hanging, and didn't even bother to refer me to Future Weapons so I could grasp at least an IDEA of what the fuck the author kept going on and on about.

Jan 6 - Jan 9, 2012

Day By Day Armageddon
J. L. Bourne
Horror
Published Sep 29, 2009   
263 pages

8/10

  A military man faces the Zombie Apocalypse, and must do whatever necessary to ensure the preservation of himself, and his soul.

  This is one of the first zombie books I've read where the human protagonist isn't a complete mess of an idiot. 
  This guy is a military man, intent on survival and actually possessing the skills to make it happen.  He knows how to handle guns, clear a room, fly a plane, and rescue others who aren't as adept at fending off the undead as himself.  He's willing to take risks I wouldn't (Rescue trapped survivors?  Well, those zombie hordes look mighty hungry, and my bunker here at Chapters is pretty cozy... maybe I'll just turn this radio off...) but this wasn't like most zombie books where I would find myself yelling, "Why are you leaving safety to look for your wife?!  She was trapped in the city 100 miles away when this whole thing went down 3 weeks ago!  You're going to get eaten, or lose friends who stupidly agree to go with you on this suicide mission, asshole!  In fact, I guarantee one will get bitten but hide it from all of you until the last minute, and then make an idiot 'Noble Sacrifice' to save you all, but most of you will die anyways, until there's no one left but you and possibly a sexy sidekick!  And your wife will probably be dead!  Or happy to see you, but that'll make things awkward for your sexy sidekick that you probably shared a kiss with after everyone else died.  Fuck.  This book sucks."  And though I probably just ruined every zombie book ever written out there (or ever will be written) you guys all know what I'm talking about.  In fact, our protagonist chose NOT to go looking for his parents, because he knew it would be suicide.  This is my kind of dude.  Yes, he did go looking for survivors, but based on logic and planning, not stupid love.
  Sure, the writing was a little under developed, the author repeated himself of occasion, and there were a fuckload of technical terms that meant little to me (I have never been in the military, after all) but it was such a quick easy read that all was forgiven.  I was too busy burning through this to really focus on the negative aspects, which is how a book should go.  If you're going to make a book draggy as fuck, make sure your writing skills are top-notch.  If you're new to writing and maybe have some bugs to work out, make it non-stop action so no one notices if your character thinks the same thought twice.
  Finally, a zombie book where I don't have to scream at it because the characters are idiots.  I'm sure that'll make my bus rides a lot less unnerving for the other passengers...

  Just imagine that nice little old lady is a book, and that'll be a pretty accurate representation of me reading most zombie novels.  For real.  Don't ride public transit.