Jan 14 - Jan 18, 2012

77 Shadow Street
Dean Koontz
Horror/Sci Fi
Published 2011
382 pages

9/10

  The Pendleton is a stately old mansion that has been converted into luxury apartments for the wealthy elite.  It boasts Oriental rugs, a full swimming pool, and a horrific past dredged in bloodshed and insanity.  But don't be deceived, because 77 Shadow Street is no mere haunted house, and the current residents are about to be thrust into a world overseen by something far more terrifying than ghosts...

  I LIKE this book.
  It's totally bizarre and unpredictable, it dragged ass on occasion, and had too many characters; but I don't give a fuck.  I like it.
  I think the overwhelming reason why I have such affection for 77 Shadow Street is because I stepped into this thinking, "I haven't read a good haunted house story since twenty-ought-six.  This will seem new and exciting, therefore I'm down." and I plunged in like there were no fucks to be given.

  Swiftly I began to realize that this was no haunted house story in the traditional sense (no more than Epic Meal Time is a cooking show) but more of a super fucked up "This kitchen could really use a woman's touch." a la The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror kind of house.

  And then I really got reading and realized I had NO IDEA what I had gotten myself into when I cracked this sucker.
  I'll admit, I had kind of an inkling where things were headed four fifths of the way through, and was right in the broad sense.  But as far as specifics?  I'm STILL not quite sure exactly what happened and I don't think I got the license plate of that truck that hit me.I have to be honest; I was kind of waffling on whether I really liked all that much, or if I just thought it was OK.  Like I said, there was such a profusion of characters that sometimes, when I was going through a particular set of circumstances or experiences a half dozen or a dozen times, I sort of wanted to shoot myself in the face. 

_OK, mildly melodramatic, but I was growing less than amused at some points.  Also, Koontz occasionally repeats himself.  Though I can live with that, as I live in a mini-enclave of stoners, and we are notorious for telling the same story over and over and over again.  Hey, to be fair, it's hard to keep track of who you have and haven't told the amusing anecdote about the time...
  Anyways, couple those wee irritations with a final course of schmaltz, and you get a mighty waffling Kat.  But you know what did it for me?  What tipped me over the edge of "Pretty Good' into straight-up "DAMN!  This is fine Reading!' with an extra helping of awesome?  The fact that A) Koontz gives a contact address so you can write him (He's not too good for us little peoples!) and B) He mentions his dog in the dedication, who he also wrote a book about.  And yes, I know you all assumed Wikipedia was the most accurate place to score all your info:

  But Koontz is the guy, not the dog. 
  Anyways, Trixie (his dog) passed away, but Dean hasn't forgotten her, and is keeping her name alive via dedications, books, and her own spot on his website.  Hell, he's even got a spot on there so you can donate to the organization that Trixie came from, as Trixie was a retired companion animal. 
  Shiz, you guys.  I'm tearing up a little right now.  Don't judge me.
  So to sum it up, Dean Koontz writes scary weird, lets his fans send him locks of their hair, and loves his passed away dog.  And on this day, my Grinch heart grew three sizes, and I found just a little more love for this book.
  Or I just might be ovulating.  But I'd like to think it's love.
  And just so you don't think I got too sappy, I'll leave you with some of my favorite Eic Meal Time videos (I made a version of the cake with girlfriends once... wait, did I already tell you that story?)

  And the first one I ever saw (and my all time favorite):

Nov 29 - Dec 9, 2011

Forest of Shadows
Hunter Shea
Horror
Published Oct 2011
351 pages

8.5/10

  In Shida, Alaska, there is a house filled with unexplained phenomena - sentient shadows, madness, and the disappearance of an entire family.  John Backman investigates the mysterious, and he travels to Alaska with his family to stay in the very house to try to unravel the mystery... but it's far more dangerous than ANYONE could have imagined...

  I don't read a lot of ghost stories.  Call me crazy (and I'll eat your other eyeball!) but I don't find ghosts that scary.  They're usually pretty quiet, you can't touch them (and they don't usually touch you) and they're sheer.  Like pantyhose.  Sure, they can appear and disappear without warning, which can be shocking, but if that scares you, you should also avoid magicians:

(and not just because they're creepy douchebags) as well as ex-boyfriends (also creepy doughebags). 
  But this story?  Pretty creepy, actually.  I think it helped that not only were there ghosts, but also a haunted house, possession, and a super mysterious back story.
  Honestly, I think that was the best part, because when I was reading, I kept getting these teasing little glimpses of mysterious past unexplained violence and present mysterious meetings of the perpetrators discussing an uber mysterious deep dark town secret.  So I was racing through the book to figure out what the fuck was going on and WHY it was going on (although I figured it out a tad bit early).  Well, I was racing through the second half, anyways. 
  Unfortunately, the first half of the book took me freakin' FOREVER to get through.  There was very little action or spookyness and a lot of... well... boring, tedious, everyday occurrences.  BUT.  The beginning of the book was one of the best openers I've read in a long LONG ass time.  Not just one, but TWO whammies, the second one totally unexpected, to draw me in and get me going.  Reading the first two chapters of this book got me really excited (the regular PG kind, not the 'adult romance' kind... though there's even a tad bit of that in here, too) and gave me hope when I was slogging though the not-so-scary stuff.  So the book kind of went AWESOME - REALLY AWESOME - BOOOORING - AWESOME!  I can live with that.
  It was a good book; better than average in writing (although the couple of heavily cliched "Nooooo!" 's were definitely giggle worthy) and it was original.  Very few books center on Native American characters or backdrops, and as an entire 1/4 Micmac, I find it just a bit delicious that the Native Americans carry the upper hand throughout the majority of this story.  Woo hoo!  The minority is the majority here, bizznatches!

Aug 19 - Aug 24, 2011

Remember Me 3: The Last Story
Christopher Pike
YA Horror
Published Feb 1995
244 pages

10/10

  Shari Cooper is rich, famous, and slowly but surely going Hollywood.  It's hard to juggle saving the world with the trappings of the good life, and Shari is beginning to struggle with all the mundane bullshit we all get bogged down with in our day-day lives.  On top of that, Shari's new story has aroused the interest of the villains, and she must face the evildoers before they destroy her, and humanity's chance for salvation.  It's the final showdown between good and evil, right and wrong, man and shark.  To the victor go the spoils!

  You know what the only lame part of an awesome book is for me?  I'll whiz through the thing and think, " That was awesome... what the hell happened?"  It's like getting hit by a speeding train of speed reading, a literary locomotive, and you don't have time to catch the make and model.  I'll do my best to relay the experience. 
  The main joy of this book is that by a few chapters in, I had grown to detest Shari Cooper.  She was fine enough in the first book, wimpy in the second, and I was getting ready to just write her off as a straight up asshole for the third.  She was full of lies, she was superficial, and she was kind of a hypocrite.  I hated who she had become and the decisions she was making.  Yet she managed to evolve into some I had real empathy for, maybe because ultimately, Shari wanted to do the right thing, she was just too busy doing retarded (and yes, I mean that word specifically) deeds and having utterly human faults.  As opposed to, say, her robot faults.  Asimov's laws of robotics, be damned!
  Because I've already read the book, and Amazon reiterated the spoilers on me, I knew what was coming as the final culmination.  And yet, it wasn't spoiled for me.  Instead, I found myself lost in the moment for the majority of the novel, even tearing up like a bitch at times.  It was one of those stories that moved along so quickly (thanks to some pretty awesome action scenes and uber tense sexual... tension) that it was a pleasure for every last little second of it. 
  The story within the story was great as well, although I normally don't read sci-fi, and I'm not sure if there's a deeper meaning other than the obvious that I'm not getting.  I generally assume that, because I assume all authors that I love are geniuses, while I am just a lowly peon.  But hey, good writing is good-ass writing. 
  I loved these books.  Reading Pike novels always makes me want to strive to be a better human being... to evolve from superficial bitch Shari to at peace with the Universe Shari, so to speak. 
  And really, the only thing I fear about Death is thatI  might not get the chance to read all my books before it happens.

Aug 14 - Aug 18, 2011

Remember Me 2: The Return
Christopher Pike
YA Horror
Published Sep 1994
210 pages

9/10

  Shari Cooper is back, and this time she's found a body to help her get around the physical plane.  Luckily, she's inhabiting a foxy 18-year-old Latina, as opposed to, say, an average person of non-remarkable attractiveness and older than late teens/early twenties.  Fate worse than death in teen novels, I tell ya.

  First off, this is really more like two books -  one is the story blurbed on the back of the book; the other is more like a Spiritual Guidance Handbook.  Both are appealing, and they fit together quite swimmingly. 
  The story in Remember Me 2 continues on from the first book (duh) placing Shari Cooper's ghost into the newly vacated body of an ethnic girl from the wrong side of the tracks.  All stereotypes aside, I'm pretty stoked that we get to have a protagonist who isn't white; they're kind of rare, at least in the books I'm coming across.  And can I just say, Jean Rodrigues was pretty badass, at least before she vacated her Earthly vessel.  Smoking weed, having sex, partying with her lesbian best friend - I'm actually pretty impressed.  Shari's takeover definitely wussified Jean.  I mean, it all worked out for the better, but still...  Jean seemed like a pretty cool character, in and of herself.
  I also noticed that they didn't really get into the evil opposing force mentioned in the back blurb, but there is clearly a third book, so it's common sense that it's coming (it's coming, it's coming).  Kind of like George Washington: 

  The other part of the book is centered around ghost Shari in some sort of awesome alternate realm that's kind of like heaven, but with less angels and more... well...
  If Chris Hansen from 'To Catch a Predator' and the Alien from 'Alien' got together and ate some MDMA, they would give birth to the acid blotter baby that is Shari Cooper's sex fantasy in heaven.  It cracks me up every time.
  Anyways, Shari's in heaven (let me call it that for simplicity's sake) and in the presence of the Rishi, a fully enlightened being who explains the basic principals of living the good life: we are all connected, be kind to others, and each life is just another lesson in becoming divine.  Shari asks questions, the Rishi answers.  I love that about Christopher Pike; he sneaks really important stuff into packages disguised as pulpy teen escapism.  Pike books in general helped to shape who I became as an adult, and now there's a whole new generation reading and experiencing the same thing.  Score one for humanity!
  While heart-wrenching and thought-provoking, this whole book seemed almost like an interlude to set everyone up for the final epic battle of Good vs. Evil.  And I'm ready to rumble!  For good, I mean.  Obviously not for evil.  Or a contract with TapOut and cauliflower ears, like in the MMA.  Only for good.  

Aug 9 - Aug 13, 2011

Remember Me
Christopher Pike
YA Horror
Published April 1989
230 pages

10/10

  After a wild party, Shari Cooper awakens feeling a little weird, and unfortunately, she can't be cured by a little hair of the dog.  Turns out Shari went up and over the fourth story balcony at this party, and while the fall didn't kill her, the landing sure did.  The word on the street is that she jumped, but Shari knows she was pushed; now she has to figure out who killed her and somehow clear her name - easier said than done, since she's a ghost.

  I had a complex for YEARS because of this book (and to some extent, still do).  The ghosts in this book are basically super-voyeurs - they can spy on you at their leisure, enter your dreams, and watch you shower.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to poop in peace when you're afraid ghosts are watching you?  Ghosts you might know?!  I'd try to be as cultivated as humanly possible, not because I liked being proper, but because I didn't want to be gossiped about by those inhabiting the after-life.  Even now, when I'm engaging in nasty-ass behavior, I occasionally wonder about who might be watching...  And THAT is the mark of a great book - it stays with you for LIFE, yo.
  Christopher Pike writes great books in general.  He never seemed to be in it just for the paycheque (did people even get paycheques in the 80's?  Or just bricks of coke?)   Instead, he always seemed to be trying to communicate an important message.  The religious discussions between our protagonists were particularly thought-provoking, as well as those concerning the afterlife.  The anecdote about drugs being able to open your consciousness up to alternate planes of being  (while risking a spiral into insanity) was especially insightful; just ask any Shaman.  But it wasn't all heavy trips and seriousness; Pike has a sense of humor too, and always slips a few chuckles in to keep things from getting too dark.
  This was a great book; it was wise, it was funny, it drew me in.  Sure, it was YA and therefore a little oversimplified, but it was INTELLIGENT - a quality lacking in today's literature scene (so I assume; I'm old and have a hate on for today's culture in general). 
  Bring on the next book!