Feb 26 - Mar 2, 2012

Casting Shadows
J. Kelley Anderson
Urban Fantasy
Published Feb 1, 2012
231 pages

8/10

  A social pariah by the name of Edward Kelley finds himself the controller of some extremely powerful magic; but instead of using his new-found powers to destroy the society he despises, Edward is struck with the Herculean task of saving the human race...

  Normally I'm not a big fan of fantasy.  I find it too froofy with too many incomprehensible names:  (and yes, I'm using this clip again because it's AWESOME):

  Or there's just too goddamn much walking *cough* LOTR *cough*:

  But you know what?  There were none of those types of shenanigans to deal with in this book.  Casting Shadows was set in modern times (RVs make traveling a hell of a lot faster) with modern names (Edward; Vincent; Emma) and I found it a lot easier to digest because of that. 
  There were a lot of aspects to like about this read - the characters were natural and the dialogue was spot on.  The writing was done well; at times I'd find that I'd perused great chunks of the book in a single sitting.  You know, if I wasn't constantly bombarded by outside stimulation (friendly requests to get my goddamn late ass to the Pub; ferret/significant other demanding food; Breaking Bad; etc.) I probably could have burned through this book in a single ambitious evening.  It was one of those rare fun reads that engrosses you and keeps you zipping along until suddenly you realize you're on the last page.  It wasn't too nasty, nor overly sappy, but there was lots of action and cool as fuck characters.
  Unfortunately there were a couple of things that irked me during my read.  The first is that there were numerous editing errors; I counted close to a dozen, and I wasn't being as anal (heh heh) as usual (a testament to how good this book was at zipping you along - "Did the author write 'past' instead of 'passed'...?  Oh look, monsters!").  But it still bugs the ever-loving shit out of me.  There were also some elements that I thought could have used a little more explanation (the demon at the very beginning of the book, for instance) or depth (all the magical stuff, really).  The second part of that might not be a huge fault, though, so much as the fact that I was mighty interested in the magic bits.  The Cobs, especially.  The author should give them their own damn book, I liked them that much.  Though Vincent the undead servant was mighty badass in his own right; I think it was his relationship with the other characters in the book that made him so intriguing.  Magic shit is epic, yo.
  I liked this book, and I have a feeling that my hardcore fantasy-loving friends would LOVE it.  I'll definitely be recommending to those buddies.   

  Feb 11 - Feb 19, 2012

11/22/63
Stephen King
Fantasy/Horror
Published Nov 2011
849 pages

10/10

  Jacob Epping is a regular dude dealing with his regular problems in his regular life; that is, until he is shown the "Rabbit Hole" - a time portal that leads to a sunny afternoon in 1958.  Then he becomes Jacob Epping AKA George Amberson, the man charged with saving JFK from being assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald, and thus, the man charged with changing the course of history.

  I love Stephen King.  I do.  And his evolution as an author hasn't throw me off his bandwagon - not by a long shot.  Hell, I'll ride Stephen King's bandwagon like a drunk college student on a mechanical bull trying to win free beer.

  Except I'd never fall off the bandwagon.  Just sayin'.
  Although Stephen King no longer seems to write 'straight horror' (or even bisexual horror, for that matter) he still had me at, "Hello, is that a presidential assassination plan in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"  The thing is, King is an incredible writer; he holds you absolutely spellbound from page one, all the way though to the bitter (but beautiful) end, when you're crying like a bitch at 2AM on a work night, wiping your tears on the stuffed Rabbit you still sleep with.
  Ahem.
  King is at the top of his game with 11/22/63, and I couldn't help but notice that while it wasn't a horror novel per se, it contained all the cringe-worthy, nail biting, anxiety in your belly feelings that a regular horror novel produces.  You see, while our protagonist isn't exactly dealing with boogeymen (though Pennywise the Dancing Clown makes a behind the scenes cameo) he does have to deal with some all too human monsters and some utterly horrific situations that bring tears to your eyes and make the flesh crawl all up and down your hackles.  Ugh.  But the all encompassing, far reaching, genre bending nature of this book has to be its greatest appeal - it's horror, fantasy, romance, sci-fi, historical, political... and it even has pictures.
  As always, King has peopled his story with some mighty entertaining characters.  Jake AKA George is my definite favorite.  You can empathize with him one minute, and hate him the next; understand his actions but wholeheartedly wish he's reconsider.  He's a man who's one of us.  On the other hand, I found Sadie to be a little too perfect - so loving, so understanding, so heroic; she's almost unbelievable in my understanding of your average, everyday woman.  I also understand, though, that she's NOT an everyday woman... at least not from my day.  Hell, maybe chicks were different back then, and I can excuse some of her naivety and almost blind devotion to a dude who comes across as a little cray-cray.  But really, I actually chalk it up to the fact that we see Sadie through our protagonist's adoring eyes, and because of that, she comes out as a little too good to be true.  Jacob AKA George is the human mess I prefer to get behind.  And I must say, I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the assholes and the sweethearts of the late 50's/early 60's - the ruthless bookies, the sweet Russian immigrants, the dried up old judgmental cows in position of power, and the earnest students trying to be the best that they can be.
  When it comes to the plot, I was hooked from the word go.  Time travel alone is such a neat ass concept, and when you throw in the butterfly effect and actually being capable of seeing the changes the character is enabling... holy fuck.  There's a scene early on where Jake says to his friend (and I'm paraphrasing here because I lost that particular bookmark) "What if you went back and killed your own grandfather?" and the friend replies, "Why the fuck would you want to do that?"  Honestly, that's the best solution to the grandfather paradox I've heard yet.  And that's just one of the reasons I liked the story so much.  I mean, there's so little that I can tell you about the plot without giving anything really important away... that, and my clumsy fingers would do a shit ass job in comparison to actually reading the words of the master writer himself in the actual book.  
  But what it all really comes down to is the writing.  King IS a master of the written word (at least, in my opinion).  I made note of a few of my favorite bits:

  "I felt an absurd urge to ask, Can you sell me a nice summer hat, or should I just go fuck myself?"
  "On the gray street, with the smell of industrial smokes in the airand the afternoon bleeding away to evening, downtown Derry looked only marginally more charming than a dead hooker in a church pew."
  "I pointed out more Denholm educators (many already leaving Sobriety City on the Alcohol Express)."
  "[It would] almost certainly [matter] to the tens of thousands of young Americans who were now in high school and who would, if nothing changed the course of history, be invited to put on uniforms, fly to the other side of the world, spread their nether cheeks, and sit on the big green dildo that was Vietnam."  

  And just in case you think I'm only in it for the swears and sex talk, I also wanted to share this, because it's so poignant, simple, and above all, true:

  "That's the curse of the reading class.  We can be seduced by a good story even at the least opportune moments."

  Amen, brother.  Amen.
  Honestly, if you're looking for a good long read, pick this up.  It doesn't matter what you're preferred genre is, if you studied Canadian history instead of American (King actually gives a shout out to us Canucks) or the fact that you don't have a stuffed rabbit to wipe your tears on when you lose your shit at one of the most devastatingly legit endings I've read all year. 
  You can wipe those tears on just about anything.
 
  And for all you Stephen King/sci-fi nerds out there, here's a LINK to King's interview with WIRED magazine regarding his Rules For Time Travel.  Just read the article AFTER you read the book, because some pretty key plot points are given away here.  That's just like a magazine, ruining books for us so we'll turn to their embrace of bite sized bits of information and advertisements for nice cologne.  

Feb 1 - Feb 4, 2012

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
Ransom Riggs
Fantasy
Published 2011
232 pages

9.5/10

  Jacob's grandfather Abe has a collection of strange photographs and even stranger stories to go with them; girls who float unless tied to the Earth, and boys who are strong enough to heft boulders with only one hand.  Many years ago, Abe lived with these children in a beautiful house on the other side of the world, where a wise old bird protected them from monsters.  Jacob thought these were just harmless fairy tales, until the monsters come for him...

  I picked this book up know absolutely nothing about it; literally, I didn't even have a dust jacket to go by.  But I was feeling adventurous:

   And I jumped right in.
  I'm totally stoked I gave this book a chance.  Even though it's a total departure from my usual fare (no stiff nipples or exploding craniums) I enjoyed it thoroughly.  The writing was spot on and I tripped along at a quick pace.  There was plenty of action and a multitude of interesting characters to keep me engrossed.
  Really, the biggest draw for me was the variety of Peculiars.  Not only were they all lovingly drawn and imaginatively unique, they had accompanying photos!  Photos!  REAL ASS PHOTOS!  Do you know how rad that is?!  And all the photos are real ass old-timey shots rescued from flea markets and swap meets.  Perhaps I'm biased because I also collect abandoned photos, but fuck it, I like this book especially much because of that.
  The main plot was sinister, but not overtly so; just enough to please the horror lover in me, but not so much that I, say, couldn't loan it to my precocious niece.  There was a touch of romance (no graphic stuff, though) and a really decent amount of violence.  But really, the main focus was the fantasy and the magic, and that kept it fairly appropriate.  I mean, I'd let MY non-existent imaginary kids read it, but those moms who hate Harry Potter because it's witchcraft might be another story.

Sep 9 - Sep 21, 2011

The Law of Nines
Terry Goodkind
Fantasy/Romance
Published 2009
502 pages

7/10

  A regular every day normal guy:

... finds himself at the center of a mystical battle.  With no information and little preparedness, he must defend himself, as well as a mysterious and beautiful woman who swings from throat-slitting to sobbing at the drop of a hat (but don't all women?) and not one, but TWO worlds; all from the evil manipulations of a highly organised and ruthless group of bad guys numbering in the probably hundreds, with sophisticated and well-thought out (and already partially implemented) designs for World Domination.
  In the real world, regular every day normal guy would be toast.  But this is fantasy.  ROMANTIC fantasy, at that.  So clearly, we're reading with some liberties here...

  I like things.  LOTS of things.  Doritos Sweet Chili Heat chips immediately come to mind when pondering things I like.  My husband, most days.  Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones.  BOOKS.   Cara.  Bob Ross' mystical painting and happy little bushes.  I could go on and on. 
  But there are also things I don't like.  Olives.  People who are ambling along slowly in front of you and suddenly stop for no reason.  Pina Coladas.  Walks in the rain.  Actually, my friend Adam wrote a book full of things not to like, and I agree with lots of them.  I also don't like the fantasy or romance genres, and the idea of smushing them together generally repulses me. 
  So surprisingly, I did not NOT like this book.  I don't know if I'd go so far as to say I LIKED this book, but I certainly didn't hate it.  After an excruciatingly slow start, it picked up some steam on page 116.  Exactly page 116.  It rolled along for a bit, got mushy, got exciting, got REALLY mushy, and then finished exciting (though a little anti-climatic).  But the final scene was HELLA unrealistic.  Not because it's a fantasy book; I can deal with that.  It was unrealistic because... well... normally I don't like to discuss specific plot points in a book because I don't want to ruin it for someone who is thinking of reading it.  But I can probably discuss this in the broadest sense without spoiling it.  But just in case...
                                                               SPOILER ALERT!
 
  As I was saying, the book ended on a terrifically unrealistic note for me, because if the woman you love if a super-important leader of a dramatic and violent political rebellion and she's going back to her world to incite upheaval, there's NO WAY she can make any kind of promise to come back to you, and there's no way you can believe it.  She'd be more likely to take a mystical arrow through the face or have her organs melted by wizard fire.  Or at least suffer a hand-to-foot spell.  Wizards are crafty like that. 

  No one wants a dame with feet for hands, a vice a versa. 
  Scratch that.  Someone out there does, and I'm sure if I typed that into Google I'd find all kinds of sick shit and the people who love it.  But not everyday normal guy; he wouldn't be down.
  It seems this was written with a romantic idealist in mind for a reader, and I am not one of them.  Fair enough.  I KNOW I'm not one of those people, and therefor I understand that this book was not geared towards me.  I am not the target audience, and I get that.
  So I was able to enjoy it for the most part, although it seemed... kind of weirdly British to me.  There wasn't as much action as I would have preferred, and too much mush.  All the characters seemed to take things in a fairly deadpan manner.  Our protagonist was riddled with anxiety but still very monotone, and not super exciting.  Our lady protagonist was a lot more... manic, at least.  Stab stab, cry cry, stab stab, cry.  Women!
  Also, there were also a couple of awkwardly worded sentences that piqued my interest:
  "As they raced away slowly down the street..."
  "There could have been no better comfort in the face of all the difficulty they faced."
  And the phrases "... jumbles of rock..." "...rock jumble..." and "... the jumbled, weathered rock..." were used over the course of two pages.  But I'm just being persnickity.
  This struck me as a bit of entertaining fluff, and while not my cup of tea (Two more lumps of blood and semen, please!) I can see how people who like this kind of book, would like this book.
  And just so you know, this is the first Terry Goodkind I've ever read, so maybe I'm missing some epic Sword Of Truth references.  People hype the fuck out of those books, and this wasn't so bad that I would refuse try the series out.  But I'm not exactly chomping at the bit for it, either.