Mar 12 - Mar 16, 2012

The Bighead
Edward Lee
Horror
Published 1992
274 pages

8/10

  Deep in the woods of Luntville (did you say...?  Ooooohhhhh, Luntville....  Carry on) there lives a man-beast called the Bighead.  His cranium is the size and shape of a watermelon, one eye is the size of a grapefruit while the other is the size of a grape, and his teeth look like carpet needles.  He rapes and kills nearly every person he... comes across (heh heh) with his gigantic monster penis and usually proceeds to eat parts of them, and he's going to visit some lovely people staying  at a nearby B&B...

  "Bighead didn't know!  He didn't know doodly-squat!  He were a deformed, woods-rompin', brain-eatin', pussy-bustin' retart." 
 
  I heard a lot of lore and urban legends about this book - it was supposed to be the nastiest, most disgusting, most graphic read out there.  Obviously, I HAD to have it, but I could never find the damn thing.  Luckily (unluckily?) for me, I was able to get it via the glory of the internetz and finally able to see what all the fuss was about.
  And my oh my, the fuss was well deserved!

WARNING!  EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD!  COVER YOUR EYES, CONSERVATIVE FACTION OF THE INTERNET!  OR CLICK                                   HERE!

  I mean, rednecks kidnap and rape an elderly woman in her colostomy bag hole (I found out this was called a stoma from a customer at work... Reason #897 I love working at a Weed Store - I could never discuss these things at a straight job).  Nuns throw physics to the wayside and piss up a preacher's ass.  The Bighead rapes and kills a pregnant girl, sucks the baby out of her vagina and eats its brains.  I'm not making this shit up, people.  And I can see why this book caused a stir.
  Not only was it a bloody gore-o-rama, but there was a discernible plot and an honest to goodness mystery to keep my brain limber.  It was a little confusing at times, and occasionally convoluted, but it was still a real plot.  I consider that a grand gesture for this genre. 
  I was entertained, and even more so than usual, because I could describe certain acts throughout my read to disgusted friends, family, and one oddly unruffled head shop customer.
  There were some editing issues, but I've found that to be pretty prevalent in e-books.  I don't know what the fucking deal is with that - something must be getting lost in translation - but the majority of e-books I read are fucked in some way or another. 
  I could go on, but the Bighead is what it is, and it's simply this: a nasty-ass bit of literature (can I even use that word here?) to help a girl procrastinate.  Chores?  What chores?  I'm reading here!  Do you want me to tell you about it?  This guy here, he's got a monster cock, see...

  Oh wait, wrong book...

Mar 6 - Mar 10, 2012

Never Let me Go
Kazou Ishiguro
Sci-Fi
Published 2005
288 pages

7.5/10

  In a society not unlike our own, particular children are raised to be prepared for a necessary but morbid fate.  Though some are never truly informed in outright terms, as they grow they come to understand (and ultimately accept with docile resignation) their final purpose in life...
  There's so little I can say about this book without giving away some pretty major plot points.  I'd rather let people enjoy it as it comes, as opposed to, say, being told the main idea you're supposed to slowly discover before you even read the goddamn book.  Ahem.  I'm talking to you, Janine.  But hell, at least I got to ruin Eat, Pray, Love for you.
  What I can say is that the general tone of the book is almost dreamy.  Once I realized what was going on, I wanted to rage against everything they were heading towards.  Why not run?  Find a place to hide?  Become a weeknight busboy at Denny's or a Thursday feature girl at the local strip club?

  Christ. 
  Maybe it was because our protagonists were raised in such a nice complacent environment.  Maybe if they'd been raised in the ghetto they would have been angrier.  The problem was, because our main protagonist was so accepting of the outcome of herself and her companions, I found it hard to get riled up as well, be it about their situations in particular or the book in general.

Don't get me wrong.  It wasn't a bad book.  It was extremely well written - it reminded me, in fact, of R.L. Stine's books.  Remember how there was always a jump at the end of each chapter, so you HAD to keep reading to see what would happen?  This was the grownup version of that same writing style.

  I just wish they'd gone more into... the stuff that I can't really get into without giving away the whole shebang.  You'll know what I mean if you read Never Let Me Go.  There was a lot of focus on the people, and I wanted to know... the everything else.  Though the people themselves were fairly interesting too, as they were definitely different (like, a LOT different) and reacted differently than other characters in similar situations in other books.  They definitely reacted differently that I would have, that's for sure.  Like I said, I'd probably be picking dollar bills up off a faux-wood floor with my asscheeks before I threw in the non-existent towel.
  It was an interesting book with a really neat premise, though it wasn't my usual cup of tea.  A little too soft and gentle for my taste, but still enjoyable.

Mar 2 - Mar 4, 2012

These Girls
Sarah Pekkanen
General Fiction
Published April 2012
322 pages

7.5/10

  In New York City, three women are drawn together by happenstance via a cramped apartment.  Cate is trying to find her way through a new high-ranking job position; Renee hopes that if she finally loses that stubborn 20 pounds she'll finally get everything she's ever wanted; Abby is running from a terrible secret - and everything she's ever wanted.  Through these trial and tribulations, they begin to discover new relationships with each other - and themselves.
  
  Is it possible to like a book based on how skillfully it was written, but still feel somewhat ambivalent about it?  Because that is exactly what happened with this book.
  On a technical level, it was great.  These Girls immediately drew me in with well-executed attention grabbing opener.  It was hard to stop reading because every time I got to the end of a chapter, I'd get ready to call it a night (or at 2AM, a morning I suppose) but my eyes would involuntarily stray to the next page and BAM - I'd be hooked again like a fat kid on cake, or an alkie on shaving cream.  I've never personally seen someone drink shaving cream, but my mom told me about how she'd seen a guy steal a can of shaving cream from a store and then proceed to run outside with it, pound it, and then immediately unswallowed a massive puddle of fluorescent green vomit in front of said store.  Yes, I grew up in the ghetto. True story.  Anyways, as I was saying, the style of writing made These Girls a super quick and easy read that I never seemed to be able to put down.  Heck, I read it in two days.
  The dialogue was spot on and the author (via her characters) made some really astute observations without going all preachy or indulging in "Look at me, I'm so clever that we're going to beat this point to death just to be sure that you understand how astute I am."which made it a lot more enjoyable.  
  It was fairly fast paced, with enough drama, cattiness, secrets, romance and intrigue to keep me flipping through the pages.  It was exciting enough, and I came thisclose to crying at the end.
  The problem it, it's just not my kind of book.  I had trouble identifying with the protagonists because I've never been in any of those situations.  And to be honest, I just kind of prefer buckets of blood to fistfuls of female relationships.
  But I'm more than willing to concede that just because it's not MY cup of tea, it doesn't mean it's not well written.  If you like this type of book, These Girls is definitely one to pick up.  Trust.

  *I also had a chance to do a little Q&A with the author (which is pretty damn badass) and I'd like to share her answers with y'all.
1) Out of all the characters, who would you most want for your roommate? Probably Renee, because she has such a huge heart and would be a lot of fun to go out with at night! Renee is also warm and friendly, and I love that about her – I can be a little bit shy at times and she’s the life of the party.

2) Which character would you avoid at all costs? The only one would be the slimy magazine editor who is overly flirtatious with his young female employees. Yuck!

3) Who do you identify with the most, and is this the same character you'd most like to hang out with, or is it someone else? Probably Cate, who is the features editor for Gloss magazine. I’m pretty driven with regard to work, like Cate. But I can identify with parts of each of my main characters – Abby loves nurturing the little girl she cares for in her nanny job, and I have three boys I dote on. And Renee is insecure at times, but also friendly and accepting, and I’m the same way.

4) What was your inspiration for this story? It’s hard to pinpoint – my ideas take shape gradually; I don’t usually have that lightbulb-going-on-over-my-head moments. For me, a book idea is more like cooking a stew – I toss in lots of ingredients and let it simmer while I do other things, like walk the dog and put away laundry. My subconscious is a great help when it comes to figuring out storylines.

5) Are there certain situations, relationships, or characters from These Girls that mirror your own life? Yes and no. My experiences and observations and relationships usually make it through onto the written page – but they’re filtered through a kaleidoscope first, so they don’t resemble reality by the time they make it into my books.

6) What is your strategy for dealing with reviews that are less than glowing? I’ve been pretty lucky with reviews in general, but there’s one publication that I always joke is about to send someone over to chop off my typing fingers – for whatever reason, they just don’t like my books! But I shrug it off. It would be crazy for me to expect every single person who reads my books to love them. Also , I write reviews for places like The Washington Post and I understand that a review is just one person’s opinion on one day. It’s not the last word on your talent or career prospects. What I hear from readers is so much more important to me than what I hear from reviewers, and I have some amazingly supportive readers!

7) Do you feel more confident in your writing now that you have a few books under your belt?  Or was writing your latest book as nerve-wracking as writing the first? These Girls was the first book I’ve ever written on a deadline, so I was definitely nervous. I obsessively plotted the book on index cards before writing a single word, because I was terrified I’d get blocked! But I met my deadline, and it gave me a real confidence, and my fourth book (which I just finished writing this week) came easily. Have I jinxed myself now for book five?

* Thanks so much for having me! And I’d love to connect with any readers on Facebook or Twitter @sarahpekkanen so please come find me if you’d like to chat more!

Feb 26 - Mar 2, 2012

Casting Shadows
J. Kelley Anderson
Urban Fantasy
Published Feb 1, 2012
231 pages

8/10

  A social pariah by the name of Edward Kelley finds himself the controller of some extremely powerful magic; but instead of using his new-found powers to destroy the society he despises, Edward is struck with the Herculean task of saving the human race...

  Normally I'm not a big fan of fantasy.  I find it too froofy with too many incomprehensible names:  (and yes, I'm using this clip again because it's AWESOME):

  Or there's just too goddamn much walking *cough* LOTR *cough*:

  But you know what?  There were none of those types of shenanigans to deal with in this book.  Casting Shadows was set in modern times (RVs make traveling a hell of a lot faster) with modern names (Edward; Vincent; Emma) and I found it a lot easier to digest because of that. 
  There were a lot of aspects to like about this read - the characters were natural and the dialogue was spot on.  The writing was done well; at times I'd find that I'd perused great chunks of the book in a single sitting.  You know, if I wasn't constantly bombarded by outside stimulation (friendly requests to get my goddamn late ass to the Pub; ferret/significant other demanding food; Breaking Bad; etc.) I probably could have burned through this book in a single ambitious evening.  It was one of those rare fun reads that engrosses you and keeps you zipping along until suddenly you realize you're on the last page.  It wasn't too nasty, nor overly sappy, but there was lots of action and cool as fuck characters.
  Unfortunately there were a couple of things that irked me during my read.  The first is that there were numerous editing errors; I counted close to a dozen, and I wasn't being as anal (heh heh) as usual (a testament to how good this book was at zipping you along - "Did the author write 'past' instead of 'passed'...?  Oh look, monsters!").  But it still bugs the ever-loving shit out of me.  There were also some elements that I thought could have used a little more explanation (the demon at the very beginning of the book, for instance) or depth (all the magical stuff, really).  The second part of that might not be a huge fault, though, so much as the fact that I was mighty interested in the magic bits.  The Cobs, especially.  The author should give them their own damn book, I liked them that much.  Though Vincent the undead servant was mighty badass in his own right; I think it was his relationship with the other characters in the book that made him so intriguing.  Magic shit is epic, yo.
  I liked this book, and I have a feeling that my hardcore fantasy-loving friends would LOVE it.  I'll definitely be recommending to those buddies.   

Feb 21 - Feb 26, 2012

The Devil Next Door
Tim Curran
Horror
Published 2009
333 pages

5.5/10

  During an average normal day, people go about their business just as they always do.  But suddenly, and without warning, bloodlust enrages nearly every man, woman, and child, and civilization falls in a matter of hours.  For the few lone folks who have kept their wits about them, danger is everywhere; but when night falls, things take a turn for the worse...

  Senseless is the best word I can think of to describe this book.  Without rhyme or reason, people go absolutely ballistic; every other page is an orgy of blood, rape, violence, and/or cannibalism.  Generally, that kind of thing appeals to me.  I adore the nasty stuff.  But a couple of aspects made it somewhat difficult for me to really properly enjoy this book.
  First off (and most definitely the biggest offender) I found it VERY repetitive.  Not only did the same basic scenes play themselves out over and over again (person discovers neighbor/loved one/friend has gone crazy; person goes crazy and eviscerates family member/beloved pet/stranger; etc.) but the author also used a lot of the same metaphors, phrasing, and words with jarring regularity.  The word 'altruistic' came up so many times that I could almost anticipate when I would see it again.  And the comparisons of the crazy people to dogs or animals were just kind of smashed into your psyche at every turn.  I get it.  People have regressed. 

  You don't have to keep telling me.  I haven't regressed.  In fact, I have a fully functioning frontal lobe.  Yeesh.
  I wasn't super keen on the writing (editing errors here and there, no commas where I would have put commas, unnecessary italics) but it was still generally understandable. 
  Another serious offender was that it took almost 200 pages before the plot really went anywhere.  Hey, don't get me wrong, I love mayhem as much as the next guy... probably ever more than the next guy, if he's normal.  But seriously man, GET TO THE FUCKIN' POINT.
  Once it picked up though, it went rolling well enough that I read the last third in a third of the time it took me to read the first two thirds (while traveling twice the speed it takes me to get to Nap City on the Comfy Couch Express).  There were also scenery changes and even some character development.  And I'll freely admit it: I liked the gore.  The ending was a pretty good culmination of the book as a whole, and I probably enjoyed the final scene most out of the entire story.
  If you're a skimmer with a twisted mind, you'll really like this book.  Definitely more than I did, but then again, I can't skim.

  Either.

  Feb 11 - Feb 19, 2012

11/22/63
Stephen King
Fantasy/Horror
Published Nov 2011
849 pages

10/10

  Jacob Epping is a regular dude dealing with his regular problems in his regular life; that is, until he is shown the "Rabbit Hole" - a time portal that leads to a sunny afternoon in 1958.  Then he becomes Jacob Epping AKA George Amberson, the man charged with saving JFK from being assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald, and thus, the man charged with changing the course of history.

  I love Stephen King.  I do.  And his evolution as an author hasn't throw me off his bandwagon - not by a long shot.  Hell, I'll ride Stephen King's bandwagon like a drunk college student on a mechanical bull trying to win free beer.

  Except I'd never fall off the bandwagon.  Just sayin'.
  Although Stephen King no longer seems to write 'straight horror' (or even bisexual horror, for that matter) he still had me at, "Hello, is that a presidential assassination plan in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"  The thing is, King is an incredible writer; he holds you absolutely spellbound from page one, all the way though to the bitter (but beautiful) end, when you're crying like a bitch at 2AM on a work night, wiping your tears on the stuffed Rabbit you still sleep with.
  Ahem.
  King is at the top of his game with 11/22/63, and I couldn't help but notice that while it wasn't a horror novel per se, it contained all the cringe-worthy, nail biting, anxiety in your belly feelings that a regular horror novel produces.  You see, while our protagonist isn't exactly dealing with boogeymen (though Pennywise the Dancing Clown makes a behind the scenes cameo) he does have to deal with some all too human monsters and some utterly horrific situations that bring tears to your eyes and make the flesh crawl all up and down your hackles.  Ugh.  But the all encompassing, far reaching, genre bending nature of this book has to be its greatest appeal - it's horror, fantasy, romance, sci-fi, historical, political... and it even has pictures.
  As always, King has peopled his story with some mighty entertaining characters.  Jake AKA George is my definite favorite.  You can empathize with him one minute, and hate him the next; understand his actions but wholeheartedly wish he's reconsider.  He's a man who's one of us.  On the other hand, I found Sadie to be a little too perfect - so loving, so understanding, so heroic; she's almost unbelievable in my understanding of your average, everyday woman.  I also understand, though, that she's NOT an everyday woman... at least not from my day.  Hell, maybe chicks were different back then, and I can excuse some of her naivety and almost blind devotion to a dude who comes across as a little cray-cray.  But really, I actually chalk it up to the fact that we see Sadie through our protagonist's adoring eyes, and because of that, she comes out as a little too good to be true.  Jacob AKA George is the human mess I prefer to get behind.  And I must say, I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the assholes and the sweethearts of the late 50's/early 60's - the ruthless bookies, the sweet Russian immigrants, the dried up old judgmental cows in position of power, and the earnest students trying to be the best that they can be.
  When it comes to the plot, I was hooked from the word go.  Time travel alone is such a neat ass concept, and when you throw in the butterfly effect and actually being capable of seeing the changes the character is enabling... holy fuck.  There's a scene early on where Jake says to his friend (and I'm paraphrasing here because I lost that particular bookmark) "What if you went back and killed your own grandfather?" and the friend replies, "Why the fuck would you want to do that?"  Honestly, that's the best solution to the grandfather paradox I've heard yet.  And that's just one of the reasons I liked the story so much.  I mean, there's so little that I can tell you about the plot without giving anything really important away... that, and my clumsy fingers would do a shit ass job in comparison to actually reading the words of the master writer himself in the actual book.  
  But what it all really comes down to is the writing.  King IS a master of the written word (at least, in my opinion).  I made note of a few of my favorite bits:

  "I felt an absurd urge to ask, Can you sell me a nice summer hat, or should I just go fuck myself?"
  "On the gray street, with the smell of industrial smokes in the airand the afternoon bleeding away to evening, downtown Derry looked only marginally more charming than a dead hooker in a church pew."
  "I pointed out more Denholm educators (many already leaving Sobriety City on the Alcohol Express)."
  "[It would] almost certainly [matter] to the tens of thousands of young Americans who were now in high school and who would, if nothing changed the course of history, be invited to put on uniforms, fly to the other side of the world, spread their nether cheeks, and sit on the big green dildo that was Vietnam."  

  And just in case you think I'm only in it for the swears and sex talk, I also wanted to share this, because it's so poignant, simple, and above all, true:

  "That's the curse of the reading class.  We can be seduced by a good story even at the least opportune moments."

  Amen, brother.  Amen.
  Honestly, if you're looking for a good long read, pick this up.  It doesn't matter what you're preferred genre is, if you studied Canadian history instead of American (King actually gives a shout out to us Canucks) or the fact that you don't have a stuffed rabbit to wipe your tears on when you lose your shit at one of the most devastatingly legit endings I've read all year. 
  You can wipe those tears on just about anything.
 
  And for all you Stephen King/sci-fi nerds out there, here's a LINK to King's interview with WIRED magazine regarding his Rules For Time Travel.  Just read the article AFTER you read the book, because some pretty key plot points are given away here.  That's just like a magazine, ruining books for us so we'll turn to their embrace of bite sized bits of information and advertisements for nice cologne.