But besides the fact that the dude reading to the children is wearing rapist glasses, this looks totally up my alley. Oh, you don't know what rapist glasses are? Let me enlighten you:
Because if not, this man is too well dressed (he'll get his shirt wet!) and wearing too many bracelets (the jingling will be distracting at best and might get caught in/on important places at worst!) to be doing what I imply he's doing. Plus, he's smiling like a sex maniac. I'm not even going to get into how wrong (on so many levels) "Let's fingering" sounds, both grammatically and... well, Christ. Let's just say that if a good-looking dude or chick whispered "Let's fingering..." into my ear, the only wetness on my body would be from the tears of laughter/horror running down my face.
Cara, can you shed some light on this?
Because when you see this sign, you do NOT want to go in there:
Seriously,did someone find this sign in the high hills of a VC Andrews novel, or that nice desert with the mutants from The Hills Have Eyes?
Ummmmmmmmmm. I feel like i need to put a warning up for this. Even if it's for "Educational" purposes, it's still a bit much. Am I wrong?
I have just found out that there is a genre of books called Bizarro Fiction. I'm excited by the book prospects after seeing this book below. The Haunted Vagina was offered for free on Valentines Day, but sadly I missed out. The author, Carlton Mellick III, has other books such as The Baby Jesus Buttplug, The Mobidly Obese Ninja, and Apeshit, which Kat read and reviewed HERE. Read the book description below. Just amazing.
It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead…
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.
I popped into Value Village tonight to see if I could hunt anything up for my Halloween costumes. Yes, costumes, plural. My work is so badass, we do costume week. And there's no dress code. I've worn a vest to work... as a shirt. And been complimented. By the boss. He's also complimented me on my sweats and t-shirts. And always remembers to leave Easter candy for me via the elusive Easter Bunny. My work is awesome.
Anyways, I was looking for some acid wash jeans for my sweet ass Freddie Mercury costume idea, but no dice. So I wandered over to the book section... and found THIS:
I mean, I knew I had to have this book based on the cover alone. How the fuck could a skeleton have such a well-preserved head?! Was he dipped into a piranha tank or a vat of acid, but only up to the neck? Has someone kept his head in cryogenic storage but due to power failure, had to transplant it immediately onto a Halloween decoration? Or is the boy simply trying to look his best for prom? I mean, you have to start early if you want to get back down to your birth weight!
Thank goodness for Value Village - I've acquired many a gem from that place, and at $1.49, it was a hell of a deal for this much hilarity. Mission successful.
So I run a Reading Club and this month we are doing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl. Part of my job includes creating flyers and posters for such events, and in my Google image searching I came across something deeply disturbing. Really, I have goosebumps while I type this thinking that I'll actually have to look at the pic again to upload it. Here is goes....
WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THIS?
I have nothing against babies or mothers or the affection between the two BUT there is something seriously CREEPY about this picture.
Why are they laying down?
Why are they both covered in chocolate pudding?
What the fucking balls does this pic have to do with the book?
Can someone make it stop?! Is anyone else creeped the fuck out? ?? ???
I'm going to take a shower and scrub out the inside of my brain through my ear in an attempt to forget. *Shudder*