Hooray! I got another package in the mail today, and this time it's from a lovely lady over at Little, Brown
. You may remember, not long ago, a big bit of to-do going on regarding Margaret Atwood asking to use a photo of my tattoo for her new book. Well, a very lovely lady at Little Brown is the one who got everything set up and sorted out for that to happen. From contacting me in the first place, to helping me ask Margaret Atwood for an autograph, she was the one who got everything done. Not only did she help facilitate one of the coolest events in my life (please see the nerdy photo of me, clutching my autographed copy of The Handmaid's Tale) she also offered to send me a book or two from Little, Brown to read (this girl definitely knows the way to my heart). So today I was alerted that I had a package, and out I rushed, ripped it to shreds, and found FOUR NEW BOOKS! Life is grand. And thank you, Victoria - you're the best!
Ah, Wishbone. How I loved you and your grand, literary-themed adventures...
So I was looking up "The Purloined Letter" on Wikipedia for a book review (making sure I'm as clever as I think I am) and came across this:
In 1995 the story was adapted for an episode of the children's television program, Wishbone
. The episode was called 'The Pawloined Paper.'
I tell, you, I clicked that link, and I nostalgia'd HARDCORE.
I don't know how old some of you guys are, but I'm 26, and I know I was kind of old for Wishbone. But you know what? I just didn't give a fuck. I watched all the Wishbone episodes, and felt superior as fuck, because I was learning. Also? I liked Wishbone. Made me wish I had a dog.
Seriously, look at this little fuck! Look how awesome he is! He wears costumes, loves books, and taught a whole generation of kids about literature, albeit sneakily (like your mom hiding meat in your so-called "vegetarian" spaghetti and then claiming she got the real meat and the veggie ground round mixed up... it probably saved me from dying of iron deficiency because at that point I had replaced meat with chips and 5 cent candies, but fuck, mom).
All I know is that Wishbone is the shit, that I currently weep for children and their shitty current television options, and that if I ever reproduce, I'll have them on a Wishbone/Bob Ross/Mr Dressup/Jeopardy TV diet.
And Simpsons for dessert, obviously.
And just so you guys can Nostalgia as hard as I did:
It is fucking hard to write a book. Anyone who has written a book or is writing a book knows I'm right. You can't just slap words down on a page and hope it turns out ok. I have finally found a book that I can write. Yes it has pictures, yes they are naked pictures, and hells yes it has the best title ever.
I can take pictures of naked people and explain how they are meaningful, artsy and deep. Just read the description of this book:
"The images in this book explore the personality and sexuality of the subject, as opposed to merely depicting the sensuality or abstract form through a received code of meaning. Important too, are the settings in which the models are framed -- for there pervades a strong sense of cultural identity. But most importantly of all, remains the collaborative effort struck between the photographer and his subjects. These are women who feel comfortable in their skin. The personalities are revealed just as are the bodies. In fact, it may be argued that there is no real distinction between the sexual self and body."
What? That didn't even make any sense, or maybe I'm just too distracted by the asses to focus properly. Either way, someone get me a camera pronto. I'll call it Cara's Crazy Cum Dumpster Cuties.... did I cross a line there?
Can you believe this book is being sold for $101.62.
I definitely got into the wrong biz.
I figured I might as well keep the theme going with this delightful little tidbit of news...
, she of the venerable films Homo Erectus
, Grand Theft Anal 11
, Butt Sex Bonanza,
(AWESOME, by the way) gave up porn earlier this year to focus on a more mainstream career. She also works with "Read Across America", a non-profit educational program. Which is how Sasha Grey came to be reading to first and third grade children at a Compton Elementary School.Now, I for one, find that awesome. The idea of some fine-ass piece reading sweet-ass storybooks to me would definitely instill a lifelong love of books.But some parents, who clearly had no lives of their own to focus on, decided to get all uppity about it and complain. COMPLAIN THAT SOMEONE WAS READING STORYBOOKS TO THEIR CHILDREN.What the fuck is this world coming to?Anyways, if it was my kids, I would have asked them to get me an autograph, because Sasha Grey is one of the hottest chicks out there, hands down.
If you like, you can read a fancy-schmancy article about it HERE
, or you can read 7 pages of hilarious responses to this event HERE
.Or you can look at Sasha Grey's fine ass here:
Sasha Grey, please come read to me!
So Kat's amazing post about the ex-stripper named Paige Turner got me thinking that there had to be someone else out there in Internetland with that same name. A quick Google search later and BAM, Paige Turner
is on my screen. It really couldn't get better than this:
Meet Paige Turner. You can find her in such quality films as:
Snuff Perversions: Bizarre Cases of Death (1999) Gone with the Weiners (2009)
White Chicks Gettin' Black Balled 5 (2004)
Titanic 2000: A Vampire's lust is Unsinkable (1999)
Pussyman's Teenland 11 (2004)
and my personal favorite:
Teens Need Chocolate Cum (2004)
What's great about Ms. Turner is that she was actually born Crystal Marie Leisure which is a pretty fucking cool porn name anyways, is it not? I mean, I support porn stars more than the average person, but does a girl even have a chance NOT to be a porn star when she's named Crystal Leisure at birth?
Literally, the title says it all. I'm fuckin' stoked.
Last week I went to the pub to send off a very dear, very awesome, and VERY foxy friend of mine; as it was her last weekend here, we decided to get wasted.
So, amidst our hootin' and hollarin', my girlfriend says, "This chick was in here, you missed it, but she came on the dance floor, and I swear to God she was an old stripper!"
"But how did you know?" I yell-pondered.
"Because she did THIS -" and proceeded to expertly execute the most famous stripper move of all time. I would try to describe it, but saying she walked forwards, then backwards, then spun in a circle does not adequately convey the awesomeness of this particular move. I recommend going to the strip club a few times, and you'll know what I mean.
Anyways, she goes on to tell me that it's the easiest move to lean, and every stripper from the 90's on has got it under their belt. Or garter. Or G-string.
So I think for a second, very carefully, contemplating what I had just seen and heard. Like Sherlock Holmes, I put all the puzzle pieces together, and then said, very slowly and very carefully, "You did that really REALLY well... were YOU a stripper?"
"YES!" she cried, and we proceeded to buy ourselves drinks to celebrate just another aspect of her awesomeness.
Now, this story has a point. I'm not just trying to rub it in by telling you I partied all night at the pub with an ex-stripper, the DJ, and all of our friends, all while wierdly dancing to techno at a Pub. No, this coming up is the best part.
Later that night, after the pub had closed, and we had moved on to our friends' house to continue the celebrations, all the girls were on the floor, learning some new moves from our friend. While all of us were attempting to emulate her effortless splits, and probably pulling our groins in the process, I once again turned to her and asked -
"So what was your stripper name?"
"Paige," she replied. "I stripped under that for a while, until one night I got asked what my last name was. I hadn't really thought of that, so I just said 'Turner'. And that was it."
"Wait wait WAIT a second. Your stripper name... was PAIGE TURNER?! Do you know how awesome and bookishly nerdy that is?! Can I please tell this story on my website?!"
"HELLS YES!" she hollared, and on we partied, late into the night, until we all passed out with pulled groins.
Best night ever.
PS: Type 'drunk girls' into google search, and make sure your adult content filter is OFF.
Two things.First, that's a Christopher Pike book I'm holding. Love his stuff, especially his adult novels.
Second, yes, that is a 3-D Twilight cup on my bookshelf. Cara got it for me. I keep my key collection in it.Third, my calender may appear to depict a loving act of fellatio, but it is, in fact, a religious calender courtesy of The Apostles of Infinite Love of the Order of the Magnificat of the Mother of God
, and more specifically, Sister Louisa, who comes into my head shop every year to sell me calenders and rosaries. I always get two sets now, one for me and one for Cara, because A) they're mint examples of incredible artwork, and B) anything with a nun's blessing is bound to have some good vibes. Plus, she always says, "God bless you!" when she leaves, and if anyone can throw that sentiment around, it's a sweet little old nun.Anyways, Happy Naked Reading Sunday!
I came on here (heh heh) with the intentions of doing a fully different post.
Then, when I opened our hosting site to check our stats and whatnot, I found this in our "Search Terms" section, which is basically what people type into search engines to find our delicious little corner of the internet.
Three little words, and my mind was blown.
"ryan gosling literotica"
I have no clue how that brought those lusty searcher to our neck of the woods, but thank you, internet Gods, for associating THAT with US.
Honorable mentions of awesome Search Terms:
"freddie mercury costume ideas"
"story of o whippings"
"weeping pussy author -tree"
"naked reading blog"
"radio daily babes"
"meat tree stephen graham jones"
Yeah, there's some weird shit out there on the internet, and some weird ass people trolling it.
Gotta love it.
...but maybe I would get this if I had actually read the Harry Potter series.
I'm sure all you "Pot Heads" (ha ha) are either tittering like schoolgirls, or groaning like... schoolgirls. But the kind from RedTube. Ahem.